at 11:11 what do you think i wished for.. ?

ok, so when I woke up, i had a really bad headace. And so I decided that life is too short to let
some 'has-been-secret' crush bother me anymore. so I added him on msn... and I thought i would
feel better about this... ok, so I'm wrong alot.. I think it would have been better if i wasn't
fighting with the chick who made this a living hell! I wish i could just make everyone forget
about this.. I guess it's really weird now that i have him on msn.. cause we both could talk to
eachother.. but it seems like neither of us want to.. well I want to... but i just can't.. idk why..
but i just cant.. maybe he feels the same way.. God why can't teenagers just be oppen about this
stuff? why can't they walk up to someone and say that they like them or not? why is this so hard?
I know that when we were just kids, we would always be honnest. I know that we can walk up to someone we don't know at all and talk to 
them..but why can't we walk up to someone we have known for a while
and be honnest ? I don't get it.. but it's really not easy. seeing my conversation with him at the bottom
of me screen really makes me want to just oppen it and tell him how i feel. and that I want to know
how he feels.. but something is stopping me.. Is it the fear of embarassing myself or the fear of his
answer or the fear that he will know how I feel or the fear that he will lie? or is it something else. Is it
just human impuls to keep the truth hidden from the person who it matters to the most and just leave
it all up to destiny? well if everyone did this, nothing would ever happen. But does that mean that you
need a middleman? Great. so two choices. Come over the great fear of... well who knows what.. or
get someone involved. That's good. yea. So what one is slightly less humiliating? Why is this so hard?
the choice should be obvious.. well yes.. of course it is. Middleman because it's easier.. but they might embarass you more than you already were. so tell him because it's more
couragous.. but I might embarass myself even more. well well well. we're right back were we started
aren't we? do you ever wish you were someone else? well just for a few minutes you know. Just to make
your own life a little easier. Why am I so bad at life? Why does my life hate me? what did I ever do to it? This is retarded! This shouldn't be that hard.. so why is it? Why is 
there this wall? I'd rather someone be brutally honnest than sensitive!
-xo Laura♥