fake a smile, it makes life a lot easier.. sadly..

it's sadly true. i have been doing this for a long time, but constantly since after lunch today. but I'll get to that later. in DVPA we went outside to play soccer and i was freezing!! well on our way out i looked in his class and like strangely right when i walked past he turned his head and looked out the door. it was weird really. but i didn't mind. when we came back in the door was closed and i didn't even bother looking in. like the first time i wasn't like looking for him. it's just force of habit now. don't know why.
In french we started this weird project, it was so funny though ! we write 5 sentences and they have to be about what we're going to be/do in the future. one of mine is i am going to marry a hot director :D ahaha. mine and steph's are so similar! but oh well. When we were working ms. miner called our class and said that he was coming back and we were all like what?! but when mr. teal said that he wasn't supposed to come i was like GAH i hate you! rofl. in science the people who had everything done got to go to the computer lab, but the people who didn't had to stay and finish. and i just had to finish my case study, so it only took me like 10 minutes. when i went to the lab i was kind of disappointed to not see him out of the class. haha. At recess we were bowling with our friend.. she was the ball and we were the pins. she only knocked me over though :(. but i screamed extra loud just to get him to look my way. ok whatever I'm pathetic.! math: nothing interesting. lunch is when it all started..
we went outside and like no one was out and i was like wtf ?! so anyway they did come out and we were all talking about something graphic lmfao. well when we went to lay on the grass every time i looked his way he was looking back. the got part about catching him now was that he was too far away to see me turn red. i like catching him look my way. it gives me some false hope that maybe someday he will confess that he likes me too. well only in my dreams. well anyway back to today. even though he looked at me a lot, i still talked a little louder and laughed a little harder to keep his eyes glued to me. i know again. pathetic right ? well i just want him to think of me as more than.. what ever he does now.. so anyway we went away from where i could catch him staring at me and that made me sad. so i was urging everyonee to go back to where we were. but we didn't. when the bell rang we walked past him. and the rumor that we heard was confirmed. let's just say that we got some hard evidence.
It really bothered me. i didn't want to believe it was true. but i can't deny the proof.. it's tragic, but it's life. i couldn't stop thinking about it. it kept popping into my mind. it was like nothing i had ever heard, or saw before. i pretended i was alright. even lied to some people about it. i guess that's my own filthy habit. constantly lying to the people i love. lying about my own well being. lying about my secret life. i feel like it's a secret identity. it only comes out every once and a while. it's all of my emotions that i express into drawings that suck and poems that don't make sense and sayings that i would never show a soul.
I had another dream about him. this time it ended in tears. if i haven't been telling you my dreams, let's just say that they are happy usually. ending in what i want to happed. this one on the other hand ended too soon for the end to come. imagine if you will i am standing in front of the intermediate doors at my school. i am standing there with 3 of my friends and the two people who made 2 months of my life suck because they found out who i liked. one of them turns to me and says 'So Laura, who do you like ?' I say 'Like I'm gonna tell you, remember what happened when you found out i liked his best friend?!' I put my hands over my mouth in a hopeless attempt to smother the words that have already slipped from my lips. They look at each other and smile a devilish, cunning grin. at the same time they turn their attention back to me and scream 'Laura, you like _____?!' i look around, everyone has stopped what they were doing and looked at me. I shift my attention to the right where i see him. he too is staring at me. But not like everyone else. he is turning red. Maybe as an attempt to try to cope for my intense mortal embarrassment. I lean my head against the wall, my hands still over my mouth. i repeat to myself 'oh my lord..' in a desperate attempt to wake up from what i wish is just a horrible dream. i have no such luck. it is though time has started again. some people continue their games or conversations. i am still looking at him and he is looking at me. people start to crowd him, probably making stupid jokes i never want to hear. other people start coming towards me. i can't take it. with the shred of good luck i still have, my music teacher walks out of the doors. i run into the school and into the vacant bathroom. My friend follows me. once i find that there is no one in the stalls, i let the warm tears fall freely down my cold, red cheeks. i am a wreck. how did this happen. why  did i let it. why didn't i think. these questions run through my mind, but i don't say a word. i just cry. my friend doesn't push me to talk, she just comforts me. once my waterfall of tears has slowed she suggests that we go back out. i simply say 'I'm not going back out there!' she says 'you're going to have to face them sooner or later!' i choose later, and she respects that choice and we stay until the bell rings. i quickly stop at my locker and tell my teacher i am here before anyone comes in. in gifted i don't say a word unless spoken to. the day is now over. i have escaped it. i get ready quickly and leave with one of my other friends as soon as i could. i don't see him at his locker. this gives me false hope that maybe, just maybe he has to stay after school for some reason. this isn't true. as i leave my friend as she crosses the road i see his unremarkable hat, the wearer, sitting on the bench i have to pass. i hope that he had lent it to a friend, but i know that that isn't true either. like i expect as i pass he stands up and cuts me off. i am not happy. why can't he leave me alone. he doesn't say anything so i simply say 'i just can't avoid you can I?' he looks me in the eyes with a strangely sonsier look. he says 'I just have to know if it's true. Do you like me?' i look up from my shoes where my eyes had lay. i say 'well it's too late to lie about it now isn't it ?' he looks at me in agreement and says 'so you do?' i look at him and nod. he looks down and then our eyes meet one more time. he is just as red as i can feel that i am turning too. no one says a word. but his look says it all. i think that he might like me too, but i can't stand this tense moment in time, and i can now hear his friends not far from where we stand now. i ask 'can i go now?' he says 'yes.' i don't look, but i know that he's watching me walk away. his friends come up to him and say 'what was that all about?' he says 'I just had to ask her something, don't worry about it. Then i wake up..
-xo Laura♥

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that feeling in the pit of your stomach can really get to a person..

today he wasn't at school.. ok call me obsessed if you like. but if you think i am you can just stop reading my blog. it's not hard. so i noticed. I'm being honest. i always notice. I was kind of wondering why, and i heard an explanation that most people knew was happening, but i dare not repeat it. I really hope that it stops though. if you know what I'm talking about, you know why i am concerned. if you don't know, you can ask someone else, because i'm not going to tell you. I just hope that soon, someone can get through to him. I'm not judging him, i just don't want him to get hurt.
in french we had a reading assessment, but all i could think about was him. i finished quickly and turned over the page a drew a heart with 'xo.' printed beside it. in the middle of the page i wrote 'you are the only one...' then my teacher walked over and said "awh thank you." i wasn't happy about this so i finished by writing 'who can scare me.' then he said "you make me feel warm and fuzzy inside." GRR he pisses me off. i faked a laugh so he would walk away so i could finish that thought on a piece of paper. i continued to write how i felt in sayings. i was going to show my friend, then it got a little personal. so it's nothing personal to you that i didn't show you when you asked. but it's like if someone stole your diary and started reading it.
I was thinking about what who claim to be his friends said about him and how stereotypical they were being. but in literacy i was glad he wasn't there. we had an assembly and our gifted class was hosting it. it was so lame i would have died of embarrassment if he was there. plus i would probably have been staring at him (not realizing it of course) and been BRIGHT red. I was also glad that his best friend/my 2 month ex-crush wasn't there either. i don't know why, but i don't think about him the same way anymore.. it's weird.
When we were on our way home he had made his way to school and i walked past him and looked at him with a part worried part ashamed look. i mean ashamed for me, not him that is. and he looked at me too with a weird look. it was hard to weird. I'm not even sure what emotion he was trying to portray. but i made sure he saw the look in my eyes, then i looked down and back to my friends before they realized that i had looked away and mentally stepped out of the conversation. thought that's not an uncommon thing for me. i never stay focused on a conversation. I'm constantly saying "what?!" to my friends whenever they talk to me. it's nothing personal. i just have a lot on my mind.
So when i got home i got to see my brother and his girlfriend (they just moved back up from NB) and i got to talk to them for a bit before i went to the park with becca. like usual we talked about her ex#1.. or #2.. i can never remember. and her dreams. and my crush and my dreams. She asked me today if i really liked him a lot. i said yea in a part embarrassed part confident confession. i don't know why, but i can't think about other people that way. not really even to say that they are hot.. like i know that other people are, and that i can. but i can't! do you get it?
there is also something that someone said to me yesterday, well started to say then said that they couldn't tell me. it was right after i said something about him. and i am so curious. i really want to know. and if it has to do with me i think i have the right to know, and i have a funny feeling that it does. I can't stop thinking about him!! but i don't know if i want to!! Just please someone tell me what I'm supposed to do right now!! Please, just give me a HINT!
-xo Laura♥

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you are the only one who can set me free.. if only you knew..

oh my lord, this is just like with B. only this time it's his best friend..yes that's right, I'm going back to talking about my crush in my blogs. i don't know what it is about him.. no one saw this coming.. not even me. I guess i should go back to how this started. a few weeks ago i went to the park with becca. surprisingly (for me at least) a lot of people in grade 7 & 8 were there! so the guy that i now like was there a long with a person in his class and a guy who does our DVPA. They were playing lacrosse. then his ex-girlfriend and her new boyfriend came and she was all over her new boyfriend. we were watching them and the guy i like. he looked to crushed to see it. he liked/likes(?) her a lot. and it was just really pathetic. i felt really sorry for him. The next day st school i saw him playing lacrosse again and for some reason my eyes were just drawn to him. like i couldn't look away.. well i did, but when ever i could, i would look away from what we were doing to watch him. i even got hit in the head with a soccer ball once or twice. i guess i was just trying to figure out what i was thinking about. like i NEVER thought about him that way. but i knew i was having feelings towards him. but i couldn't. i wouldn't let myself accept it! i was dating Garrett. and i really liked him. well the truth is, i was living a lie with him. I started to like him. that night luckily me and garrett broke up, but still only two people knew who i liked. it wasn't long before the normal people to know knew.
i guess i can skip a bit of time here to the community dinner. I didn't know that he was working.. well i didn't know that a lot of the people who were working were going to. so anyway, he was supposed to be a server, but they had enough of them so he became a waiter. and i was a waitress. so we were kind of near each other a lot. it was kind of cool. and when we were hanging out in the entrance a lot of people were there and i was standing right beside him.. god he's tall! rofl. so someone almost pushed me into him. i think that if they did i would like die!
I have been noticing him a lot lately. and i have realized that he comes into our class a lot. it's kind of weird now. i guess this leads me to today. but first in french me and steph and rebecca were totally shit disturbers lmfao. it was funny. our teachers kept getting mad at us and i had to spit out my gum. it wasn't cool cause no one ever catches me :(. so anyway in art he came in the art room and stayed for like 20 minutes. and when he did this is how mine and steph's conversation went.
her: is your heart racing ? me: why? her: because look who just walked in. me: oh yea i know. her:so is it ? me: maybe a little. her: ok let me see your face.. omg you're so red. me: oh god! her: don't worry he doesn't know it's about him me: i don't care. i feel sick!
it was nerve wracking and he kept looking at me and i was probably BRIGHT red and i didn't want him to see!! for once i DIDN'T want to catch him looking at me!! and i noticed that he looks at me a lot. like i'm pretty sure that he doesn't like me, cause like he really likes his ex, plus it's me. like it would be nice if he liked me too :D but i'm almost positive that he doesn't. i just kind of want to know.. i think..
ok well anyway to explain my title. i have been listening to this song: be my escape by Relient K. and the chorus goes like 'I've been housing all this doubt, and insecurities, i've been locked inside that house, all the while you hold the key. and i've been dying to get out and that might be the death of me, and even though there's no way of know way of knowing where to go i promise i'm going because i've got to get out of here I'm stuck inside this rut i fell into by mistake I've go to get out of here and I'm begging you I'm begging you I'm begging you to be my escape.' and that's like my life. I hate living here, and i want somewhere to escape this. and if i was with him, or even when i think about him it's like all of the pressure and stress is lifted even if only for a second.
i really want to know.. but at the same time i don't. because if he doesn't i don't want to know, because i really like him and i don't want to stop.. but i want to know if he does.. idk it's complicated..
-xo Laura♥

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and here i go again. lying like I'm alright..

i think that i just have low blood sugar or something. and that's what's making me want to pass out all the time. I am never hungry, but if i don't eat i feel light headed, but when i do eat it just makes me feel sick. I don't really want to tell my parents about it though, because they will just make me go to the doctor and I'm afraid I'll find something out that i never want to.
I have ADD so i have problems concentrating on things. so when i found out i have to clean my room and keep it clean from now on i was really down about it. so that's what I'm doing. Well that's what i'm taking a break from doing.. But when i do it i always get distracted by a notebook from grade 4 or a photo album from when i was a baby or a story i wrote at the begining of the year. i have amazingly been able to get a bit organized, but i have a long way to go.
I cleaned out my hope chest and I'm putting all of my scripts and stories in it along with inspirational memorabilia and other things i have. maybe I'll actually get some work done on them now :) .
tonight i might be going to my friend's ice show with rebecca. it should be fun. but i hope i feel better. I'm not sure if i should tell my parents about my lightheaded-nes before then if at all. but until i find out, i'll keep lying like I'm alright..
-xo Laura♥

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what happened ? this was suposed to be simple. never complicated..

I sad about a week ago that i liked someone new. and that it wouldn't get complicated because i would never think he might actually like me. But it's because of my friends that i think this way. they always say that he might like me. and i know that they mean well, but i really wish that they would just mind their own business.
i confided in them by telling them that i like him. but that doesn't mean that i want to talk about him constantly. and i don't want to think about other people thinking about what we could (but probably would never) be. I told everyone that i told that we could only talk about him if it was only the two of us, or on msn/texting. but not everyone listened to me. i find myself engaging in conversations constantly at school about how i should ask him out or about things that are sick. Funny about other people, but when it's someone i like, it's just not funny anymore.
I never wanted to think this, but i do, and only because of people saying things that are really ridiculous. I never wanted him to find out, but if people keep acting so recklessly towards that subject he might. i know that they don't mean any harm, but they have to think about it. if it was someone else who cares less about this kind of stuff it's different. but i am sensitive about that kind of stuff.
i don't want him to find out. i don't care if you say that nothing will ever come of it, i really don't fucking care. because i'm happy not knowing. because I'm sure it would be no. he's way out of my league. again don't say shit like you should ask him out or he's not out of your league. if you want to say that stuff, walk away from the computer and go fuck yourself. and don't say I'm being bitchy. this is like my weakness. i would seriously take someone out if he ever finds out. seriously.
if shit like this keeps happening I'm not going to fucking trust anyone. I'll just fucking keep it to myself and not even tell anyone i like anyone. cause i won't fucking tell anyone no matter how much they bug me. I'll just get violent.
So i'm going to make some rules to anyone who knows who it is. you can't talk about him unless i bring it up. you can't say shit like i should ask him out because you fucking know i fucking won't so don't fucking waste your fucking time. it's so retarded when people say that shit knowing that i won't. it's fucking stupid and i want to kill them! like seriously. it's the absolute most annoying thing! and i swear to god if anyone EVER says that to me AGAIN i will not only never tell them who i like, i will never say ANYTHING to them! Don't be sick about him. like sure it's funny, kind of.. but when it's someone i like this much, it's not.. at all! Don't say shit like 'rawr' or 'grr' or some shit like that because no!!!!!!!!! i will fucking want to take you out. i seriously will. i HATE that more than anything. i'm a complex person. and if you can't deal with it, than fuck off and don't talk to me!!!! So just don't bring it up. if i want to talk about it i'll bring it up.
-xo Laura♥

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excitment just doesn't seem like the proper emotion for this.

ok not a whole lot happened today. not saying that it wasn't fun, just nothing really stood out.
we started dance in gym. we had to get into groups and pick a song to make a dance for. my group is me, rebecca and stephanie. and we're doing the song now you're gone - basshunter (the one below) and we started making up a dance. it's actually pretty easy.
I've been talking to people on msn, but nothing much new with that.. Today is my friend's birthday, so happy birthday! :D. Tomorrow is my mom's but i have no idea what to do! it's the community dinner and I'm volunteering and i kinda felt bad about it. but she has a meeting so she won't be home anyway. does anyone have any ideas to do for her?
speaking of birthdays, that's what my title is about. mine is in exactly 2 weeks. but i'm not excited. I usually am. Last year i started counting down at 99 days! I was so excited, but for some reason I'm not. I have no idea what I'm doing for my party or when I'm having it. i have a vague idea of who I'm inviting, but idk for sure. there are some people that i might invite, but i'm not so sure if i want to. last year i was so pumped. i was like 'omg I'm gonna be 13, a teenager!!!' but this year it's like 'I'm gonna be fourteen woah big deal' *then rolls eyes sarcastically* like I'm happy, I'm bored, but I'm happy. i'm excited for other things.. well kinda, nothing really to be excited about. seeing the guy i like, meeting Richard ? i guess. but I'm not pumped for my own birthday ?! why not ? like it's not like I'm gonna like be afraid to fuck up my party, like it's my friends, they won't care, we'll have fun doing whatever!
I guess I'm not really thinking about the future. I'm really just in the now. I'm not really thinking about tomorrow night, school, the guy i like, not even grad! and I've been looking forward to that night since grade 6! Not even the last day of school when I'm gonna make every teacher hate me!
idk why but people are getting really touchey. idk why or if it's just me, but some people are just changing and i just don't like it. like i know people are changing, i know and accept that but when people are like pissing me off and being bitchy towards me it's like ok fuck off I don't want to be friends with you! idk, i just had to add that. sorry. well I don't want to waste anymore time, so I'm done!
-xo Laura♥

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Untitled

Embedded Video

ok i really like this song, but i have a problem with the end of the video. how they got back together.. no that doesn't happen. and if it does it shouldn't like that.

ok this is how it should happen if the guy broke up with the girl and is regretting it even if she misses him too but like hates him for leaving her
ok the girl is all depressed then goes to a basshunter concert with her friends. the guy, alsodepressed so coincidently went to the exact same concert. The girl is dancing with her friends and she sees the guy looking at her looking pretty lonely herself. she should be thinking like 'BITCHHH you broke up with me! MISS IT!' and starts dancing like really slutty! lmfao then the guy starts dancing with like a hot girl and then she finds a really hot guy and then they like hateeachother then in like a week they like freak out at eachother then it tuns like.. well you can figure it out from then ;)
ahahah yea i know I'm screwed. but I'm sooo bored you don't even know.
still gonna blog later. but i really want to do something!! so I'll blog later. anyone want to do something ?

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this is a survey. copy it, fill it out and post it [I'll post again later]

Three Names you go by [from most often to least often]
1.Laura
2. campbell's soup
3. um.. ?

Three Parts of Your Heritage
1. Canadian
2. irish
3. british

Three Things You Like About Yourself
1. um well i love my hair [though other people might not agree]
2. a lot of my friends will confide in me, like i am so trusted with a lot of people. i always am the only.. or first, person people will tell who they like or talk about it with, i guess because i know what it's like most of the time.
3. and i guess i like how i can come up with sayings pretty fast for like pictures, and ideas for stories and that kind of stuff.

Three Things You Hate About Yourself
1. I'm actually pretty self-conscious
2. I don't think before i say something so I'm always embarrassing myself, offending someone or just generally regretting i said it.
3. and i probably spend way too much time obsessing about stuff that I'm pretty sure people don't even notice.

Three Things That Scare You
1. clowns
2. needles i guess.. well I'm not really afraid of them, but i always get sick or something from them so i dread getting them.
3. peach fuzz. ok it's not really a fear per say but it's like nails on a chalk board for me. idk why exactly


Three of Your Everyday Essentials
1. um. well food..
2. water..
3. some form of media or communication.


Three Things You Are Wearing Right Now
1. jeans
2. t shirt
3. socks .

Three Things You Need in a Relationship
1. like honesty of course.
2. he has to be able to make me laugh.
3. and well i guess we have to talk and hang out a lot.


Three PHYSICAL Things about the Opposite Sex that Appeal to You
1. tall. well at least taller than me. :P
2. blue eyes!! [haha well it's not essential but it's always nice]
3. well being over all attractive.


Three of Your Favorite Hobbies
1. hanging out with friends .
2. writing stuff [like scripts, stories, blogs, even lyrics and poems sometimes].
3. listening to music and sining [when no one is around to hear that is!]

Three Things You want to do really badly right now
1. hang out with friends.
2. get a crush on someone that i have a chance with/have the person i do have a crush on actually notice me.
3. do something outside [but that would kind of involve number one because there is nothing to do around here alone..]

Three Places You Want to go
1. new york
2. all over/any where in europe
3. new zealand

Three Things You Want to Do Before You Die
1. become a director
2. meet Tim burton
3. become kind of famous, but like C list celebrity that is famous and people look up to them, but only people who care about directing knows of them like Ron howard.

Three Ways that you are stereotypically a Girl/Guy
1. I like shopping
2. I wear makeup and spend way to long to get ready
3. I like guys and talking about hot ones :P

Three Things that annoy you
1. when you scrape your fork on your teeth and make that annoying noise!
2. when people find out who you like and start saying like 'you should ask him out!!' or 'you would be cute!' and you're like ok, no! i know it's not gonna happen, so you should accept it too!
3. like when people keep bugging you about something and you're just like ok w.e just stfu and leave me alone!

Three friends I would like to see fill this out
1. stephanie
2. rebecca
3. emily

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thinking about the future and worried.

okay my love life is just way to confusing right now i don't even want to think about it. i just want to be single for a while.
ok so yesterday i was at stephanie's house, well i was friday, saturday and yesterday. But i got food poisoning. yeserday when i came home i felt really sick. in fact i literally got sick! blah. so gross. So I'm home today. And so did stephanie. we are both sick. it's not fun. honestly i would rather be at school, feeling well, than sitting here. sick, woozy, dizzy, about to pass out.
I don't really understand why, but recently i have been really sick, and dizzy and always feeling like I'm gonna pass out. I know it's not good, but i don't know what it is. maybe i have some kind of long-lasting illness. i really don't like this. I never get sick. like seriously i don't even get a cold. at least once a year i get sun stroke, but that's it. I'm worried that it's something bad. something like leukemia. i know, that's kind of random and seems impossible but this is what it's like.. feeling sick all the time, feeling dizzy and woozy all the time, loosing vision for a few seconds at a time..
i know that it's can't be that. but it could be something bad.
I just really hope that it's not as bad as i think it might be. maybe it's because I'm sick that I'm thinking like this, but it's not good!! well I'm gonna go lay down and watch some tv, but I'll be back on after school to see what you guys said and maybe post another blog.
-xo Laura♥

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I wanted to end it I just didn't know how..

So as I'm sure you might have figured out i don't have a boyfriend anymore. We were having problems anyway. we're just better friends. But i wanted to break up with him, i just didn't know how.
It's just been kind of getting to me recently how we don't talk. And how it seemed like he didn't care. It just really wasn't worth it. Another reason i wanted to end it was because I might like someone else. I'm not telling anyone who so don't ask! The thing is that i have no chance with this other guy, so i didn't know if i wanted to break up with Garrett, so i thought that i would wait until tomorrow. I told him that if he wanted to see me than he would have to come find us. if he came i would know that he really likes me. if  he didn't then i would end it.
 unfortunately he refused right then. i was going to break up with him, i just didn't know how. so i was going to wait until i could talk to one of my friends. but he said it first. though this time i will shed no tears. for i wanted it to end too.
I don't know what it is about this new crush, but i just like him.. i think.. I'm not entirely sure, but every second it becomes more clear. I know, i bounce back fast. But this time, I'm sure nothing will come of it. So it won't get confusing, and i wont get disappointed because i know that he would never like me. This is the good kind of a crush.. i know, it sounds really messed, but it's true. He won't find out because no one will know. I won't ever think that he likes me because it's just not him. People might ask me, but i won't tell them. this is good.
But this time if someone says that he likes me, i won't believe it unless it's him..♥
-xo Laura♥

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There's no reason to be jealous..

ok so i have to have a shower and go to bed and study for my test tomorrow, so I'm going to just write a small blog. i might cover more later.
ok so as you guys know I have a boyfriend, and it's cool.. i guess.. ok my friend told me that she wants a boyfriend and that she's jealous of me and Garrett. I told her not to be because it's nothing to be jealous about. well in class i heard Arden saying that Garrett likes her, not me. i was like ok w.e if he liked you he would dump me for you because he's not the kind of person to lead someone on like that. Plus he's not the kind of person to like someone like her. but when i got home i started thinking that if he thought that she's at all trustworthy then he obviously doesn't know her the same way i do!
i started thinking that it might be true.. i didn't want to, but a part of me can't help it. i tried to talk to him about it but he just signed off. and not immediately, like 10 minutes later.. he does. or he would have said something! I just really don't know right now.. it's just so confusing. i thought that relationships are supposed to make you happy, not make you even more upset and confused than you already were! like wtf ?!
peace
-xo laura♥

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this is all just a complicated mess..

ok usually i save the title till the end, but there is nothing to talk about other than the title. it's pretty vague. I'll start off, well at the begining of the day. like usual me and steph (ok, a lot of people don't mind people using their names in blogs, and it's just easier!) walked to jordan's house then we walked to school. when we got there we hung out with some people and we noticed that one of our good friends was hanging out with arden, we didn't think much of it because she has said how much she hated her and that she's a bitch countless times. In Art (period 2+3) at the begining she asked me if me and steph were mad at her cause she was friends with arden. in my head i was like hloy shit you're actually friends with her? why? but i just said that i didn't know. me and steph worked in the hall because it's always so loud and impossible to concentrate. so we had a lot of time to talk about it and we were talking about how much she has said that she hated arden and that we thought that it was so stupid that she just changed like that. i know that she hasn't, because she's trying to break up me and garrett. she is the biggest bitch in the world!!! She's lieing to him about saying anything! i have the chat log on my computer! this has gone too far.
This is between me and you, it has nothing to do with him, so leave him out of it! Can't you stay out of people's business for once in your life?!  You have no heart! Are you that cold that you can't even let one thing that's happy in my shitty life just be happy ? are you that insecure with yourself that you have to make everyone around you miserable just so you feel better about yourself. just leave my personal life alone! leave me alone. i don't talk to you, i never talk about you. i really couldn't give a shit as long as i don't have to talk to you or be near you. I'm sure you feel the same way! So why can't we just leave it at that?!
Me and garrett are already kinda.. complicated, you don't have to do this! just because i don't like you?! a lot of people don't like you! you need psychiatric help if you think that this is the only way to solve differences! like we don't like you, but we're not like you! we wouldn't ever do something like this! sure we'll laugh at your misfortune, but we won't cause it !
If you do this you are the most horrible, heartless, cold, bitch on the face of the earth! i would wish death upon you! I would wish for you to suffer! and after it all i would wish for you to burn in hell! so prove me wrong! Prove that you do have a heart, prove that you are human, prove that you can be a decent person if you just try! just please realize that this has nothing to do with him! it's me and you!
-xo Laura♥

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because sometimes second chances are the only way to make things work..

ok, like always, I'll save the title till the end.. so today i was kinda depressed the whole time, cause i didn't really know if Garrett really likes me, so i was really just kinda weird, and I'm sorry to the people that i was kind of mean to. my mind was occupied, that's all. so in better beginnings we played this weird game involving pantie hose, plastic spoons, and duct tape! hahaha don't ask! So me and some of my friends won the champion idol. rofl. it's this ugly wooden statue! But i was happy :) haha. so in music, nothing happened really. we started working on out duets. I'm with one of my friends who also plays alto sax. and we're pretty good friends, so it's really fun! in french we did work, but like it wasn't hard or anything, so we didn't really mind.
at recess was when i started to get depressed. I was sitting alone cause the guy i sit with wasn't there. and we're not allowed to move, so i just thought the whole time. about Garrett really. so when i went to do my french presentation at recess i was pretty down. and one of my best friends thought i was taking it out on her but i seriously didn't mean to! so we didn't really do much after we went outside. in math we made grilled cheese sandwiches (haha yea, that's what we do in gifted math. we cook!) haha nah this was our first time. But they were really gross. and i didn't feel so great. so at lunch i didn't eat my salad and everyone was like 'whats wrong?' and everyone would look at me and i'd be like 'nothing' really quietly. Then at lunch recess i felt like i was going to throw up and pass out. and i almost did pass out a few times!
nothing really else happened, well i have to go soon, so I'll just skip to explaining the title. Duh, it's about Garrett. He broke up with me today. because we won't see each other much. and i was crushed. i cried for like a half an hour. but then i was happy that this wasn't just a lie (i didn't know at the time why he broke up with me) i was glad that he didn't keep going out with me even though he didn't like me. so i went back on msn and apparently he felt really bad for making this day that was already pretty bad worse. And he told one of my best friends that he wanted me back. But i really didn't know. i guess i could just show you the conversation i had with him *hey i don't even have to change his name :P I'm sorry it's so long.

(8:58 PM) GARRETT:	heeeeeey
(8:58 PM) lauracampbellxo.:	hi
(9:01 PM) GARRETT:	i no u probaly dont wanna talk to me right now and u probaly hate me but i made a bad decison dumpin u and i was wonderin if u wanna go out again and i under stand if its a no
(9:02 PM) lauracampbellxo.:	i really don't know. cause i like you so much! and i don't hate you. i never could. but i don't know if i can beleive that you really like me..
(9:04 PM) GARRETT:	i do lik u but the reason y i dyumped u is cuz i would only ever c u on fridays and weekeneds. lik if u went to my school it would be different
(9:05 PM) lauracampbellxo.:	so then why would you want to go out with me now ?
(9:07 PM) GARRETT:	cuz i screwed up
(9:07 PM) lauracampbellxo.:	so what changed. we wouldn't see each other anymore than that.
(9:09 PM) GARRETT:	true but im ok wit dat
(9:10 PM) lauracampbellxo.:	but why now, and not then ?
(9:10 PM) GARRETT:	well i didnt thjink of that before
(9:11 PM) GARRETT:	think *
(9:11 PM) lauracampbellxo.:	didn't think of what
(9:13 PM) GARRETT:	see u as much
(9:13 PM) GARRETT:	seeing
(9:13 PM) lauracampbellxo.:	k I'm really confussed.
(9:14 PM) GARRETT:	same
(9:14 PM) lauracampbellxo.:	lol. i think i know.
(9:14 PM) GARRETT:	lol
(9:14 PM) GARRETT:	k
(9:14 PM) lauracampbellxo.:	i will
(9:15 PM) GARRETT:	will wat
(9:15 PM) lauracampbellxo.:	omg
(9:15 PM) GARRETT:	srry im lost
(9:15 PM) lauracampbellxo.:	you're so stupid! lol
(9:15 PM) GARRETT:
(9:16 PM) lauracampbellxo.:	sorry.
(9:16 PM) GARRETT:	lol its ok
(9:16 PM) lauracampbellxo.:
(9:16 PM) GARRETT:
(9:17 PM) lauracampbellxo.:
(9:17 PM) GARRETT:
(9:18 PM) lauracampbellxo.:	so do you have to ask me something?
(9:18 PM) GARRETT:	no
(9:19 PM) GARRETT:	lol jk
(9:19 PM) GARRETT:	ya i do
(9:19 PM) lauracampbellxo.:	ok. good. cause i know the answer (but you still have to ask me )
(9:20 PM) GARRETT:	its a no
(9:20 PM) lauracampbellxo.:	what ?
(9:20 PM) lauracampbellxo.:	why would you think that ?
(9:20 PM) GARRETT:	lol i dunno
(9:21 PM) lauracampbellxo.:	well then just ask me and find out.
(9:21 PM) GARRETT:	k
(9:21 PM) lauracampbellxo.:	ok
(9:22 PM) GARRETT:	do u wanna go out
(9:22 PM) lauracampbellxo.:	yea
(9:23 PM) GARRETT:	sweet

I felt so loved. And i still do. i know it's kind of screwed, But I'm actually glad we broke up for an hour or so. because now i know that he really likes me. if he went to that much trouble for me i really know he must. I can't wait until friday! I like him so much! he's amazing! He's so shy, but it's really cute! people think that it's kind of funny that someone as shy as him is dating someone like me! haha but beleive it. because this has really brought us closer! It really does take a tragedy to see the though to the good ( :
-xo Laura♥

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