holding it all in until no one is around to see me at my worst..

today was the worst day of my life!
I take back everything i said in yellow yesterday!!
today started out not horrible.. but I'm surprised that i didn't know something was wrong! my mom called in sick from work. and she hasn't done that in like 5 years! well when i got to school i found out that the guy i like (well liked) has a girlfriend.. but w.e i was questioning weather or not i liked him anymore anyway. so i didn't care. Then in music we did basically nothing cause we were supposed to have grad phtots taken then. So then in french we had to work, but i didn't so much :) . then in health we did this really easy activity and that's when they started calling everyone down. But i didn't get called then. Then at recess we went to see if we are in the play. but I got a shitty role. i was kinda disappointed, and i guess that's when it started going down hill.
When we went outside we were talking about it and i decided then that i might quit and my ex-best friend was bugging me about it going like 'why do you want to quit? you have to have a good reason!' and i didn't answer her cause really it's none of her business! But one of my new best friends started coming up with reasons that i might want to quit.. none of them right, but cool of her to try. And my ex-best friend started saying that this other girl is my friend, and she's not! Then we got away from all of them and started talking about it and i told her why i wanted to quit. this chick.. let's call her Arden, well i hate Arden and she's in it, and i don't even have a good role so it's so not worth my time. and then we started talking about how my ex-best friend bugs us and cause she just assumed that i was still friends with the other girl, and that she always hits people and like she's not 2 anymore, it's not funny. people want to seriously punch her in the face! and she acts like everyone is so much stupider than her. like if you ask her a question because you don't understand it, but she does she's just like ignore you and it's like what the fuck, i asked you for a reason! Then she'll ask you a stupid question seriously expecting you to answer it!
Then we had math, but first we had DVPA, but since we were having grad photos soon our teacher didn't make us do it. So i was called down with the first group after recess. and i was the first to get my photo taken. and the chick taking it was creepy. she plated with my hair and she didn't tell you where to put your hands.. she moved them. and it was just weird. then i went back to class and we were still having 'DVPA' and i was watching my friends play cards and the girl in yellow (the one i was talking about yesterday in yellow) was being all bitchy saying like "go away if you're not playing!" and i was like "why?" and she was like "cause i don't want you here, it's my desk!" and i was like "_______(the girl who sits there too) can i sit here?" and she said "sure!" so i didn't move. then arden came over and was like "does my hair look good?" and i was like "no it's hedious!" but like i was joking, i always do and no one has said they don't like it so like wtf? and she was like "why are you being rude?" and the girl in yellow was like "maybe cause she is rude!" and i was like "or maybe because i don't like you!" and then we started fighting.
Then we went to math class and i didn't talk at all, but people were talking about me, i know it! i hate gifted so much! I hate everyone in it! I hate how they act, how immature they are, i hate what they talk about and how they are so oblivious! When I'm mad, and I'm not talking, they don't get that they shouldn't mess with me! I hate being with them 4, sometimes even 5 periods a day! I want to be in the normal class but my mom won't let me! I hate having to listen to them! I hate seeing them be retards! i hate them!!
At lunch my friend i sit with asked if i was mad at her and i said no, and then she asked me if i would come with her to the bathroom when she went to bruch her teeth (cause she has braces) and i said sure. and i got my best friends to come with me too, but only one came immediately. i was sitting on the heater trying to hold in the tears since math. I tried to explain why i hate gifted to my best friend and my friend but i couldn't hold in m tears any longer, as they ran down my face i felt like i was defeated. but i tried to stop when i heard the door open. luckily it  was my other best friend. Still trying to keep my tears in, my best friend was explaining to my other best friend what was wrong. I was defeated. the warm trickle of my tears rolling down my cold cheeks made me feel worse. It's like a slow poison. when i dried my tears, not really relieved, but a slight bit better we went outside. we had fun. I love my friends, the few i actually have at my school, but it's enough for me.We played in the snow, and ran around and we had a blast.only to go back into hell.
I went back to the dreaded gifted. I did my work, and thought, did some more work, thought a lot, wrote my friend a note, and listened to them again. The girl in yellow is the worst, because she isn't like that. I didn't talk much then either..
When i got home i had to hold it in some more, i still am in fact. I went on msn and arden started to talk to me and she was being a total bitch saying that everyone hates me, and that i have no life and that i'm a poser and i was like ok w.e. but then she started labeling me because of what  i look like and how i do my hair. she told me that i was emo because i was being depressed, and rude and because i wear make up and tease my hair. i was so fucking pissed and i almost called her the 'c' word.
I was telling my crush/ex-crush (i don't know anymore.. :S) what was wrong, and everything. and how it's so hard to be this upset without people at home finding out.. Then i told him that today started out alright, other than what one of my best friends told me. and i told him to ask her what it was because it was weird for me to say it. so he did and he found out it was that he has a girlfriend. and he didn't get why it bothered me.. wow you know how to make someone who already feels like shit feel so much better. Then he asked if i liked him.. wow what do i say.. idk ? so i said i did, and that she told him, but idk anymore. then he asked why i don't know anymore.. and i said it's pretty obvious. i mean he has a girlfriend.. it's kind of a lost cause now. i just don't know anymore.. great another thing to make this day wonderful!
-xo Laura♥

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