you're not making this any easier..

I feel so bad right now. Well I'm happy that me and Paul have settled our difference! I'm really happy about that! But i feel bad about him..
I told him that this morning i was sad cause i found out that the guy i like likes someone else. But he used to like me, and i liked someone else and now i like him and he likes someone else. Well he made me tell him and i was just like 'I like you.....' and he really didn't make it any easier for me. one thing i really wish he did say was 'i would date u but i like someone else a lot'... oh my god..
rip my heart out,
and stomp it to the ground.
It's not like you care,
it's not bringing you down.

I write this now just for you.
Have me at the point of breaking
but i can't break through.
my heart is aching.
I'm almost in tears.

don't talk to me like you don't know it hurts cause you do.
You know exactly how i fell.
for only a month ago you you felt it too.

ok if you comment on this i don't care if you like the poem! he's talking to me like he doesn't know how much pain I'm in, or like he doesn't know how awkward it is for me. It was nice to think of what we could be. I mean in my head it was so perfect! Well nothing is perfect. I knew this would happen.. he just signed off and didn't even say bye. people say nothing ventured nothing gained, but nothing ventured nothing lost either! I hate how this is working out for me!
So this is why i avoided love last year! I guess i forgot how much it hurt. This is so much less glamorous than the people on TV make it out to be! Why isn't this easy for me? What have i done to be so bad at life! I don't care if you think I'm being emo or whatever you want to think! Because i don't care.
What hurts the most is that i like him so much! no one even knows how much i like him! Not even him. I hate this!!!
-xo Laura♥

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i should feel as i have in the past. but something is telling me that it's not the truth at last..

ok to start of this blog, like any other I'll say a message to paul. I'm not gonna write about you anymore because i don't even care! you can call me what you want. you can think I'm ugly, emo, flat, gay, hell you can even think you won! but what have you won? What is your reward? you're the biggest gerk? I'd rather not have that title! winning a war isn't really winning at all! we've said stuff about you and you've said stuff about us and how much of any of it was true anyway? Using words that are baned from school and church don't make you a winner! When it's your only defense it makes you pathetic! Sure i have, but at least i have creativity. you use a word that should make every girl so mad too often! it's not funny and it doesn't make you cool! it doesn't make you better than anyone. it just makes yourself look bad. All i have to say to you is I'm so done with you! I have better things to do with my time then argue with people i don't even know over the internet! consider this a cordial goodbye. i hope you enjoy your empty glory.
ok, moving on with my life.. I'll save the explanation of the title for the end. Yesterday my step brother moved out. and it was really tense here. i deeply hate to say this, but with him gone i feel like it's brought us closer as a family.. I always used to say i that i couldn't wait until he moves out but i always kind of thought it would be in like july or august when he was done high school.. I hope that he's happy where he is now, and i hope that he'll keep in touch.
Today me and my family had fish and chips for diner. well I (being a vegetarian) obviously didn't have any. I just had fries. Well anyway. we got them from jhonathan's, a restraunt in town. When we went to go pick them up my brother drove. my step dad came too and i was in the back seat. Well this was his first time driving our car, so he was really jerky. i thought i was going to die! rofl. naw. he just went really fast then like stopped a few times lol. and i thought he was gonna hit a car, a post, the curb a few times, and a person on a bike rofl.
ok, so on to our feature blog! haha ok, so as I'm sure you already know, the title is about him! i was waiting for ages for him and my friend who asked him if he likes me to be on at the same time. Woah familiar huh. rofl. same friend and everything. ok anyway not the point.. Well the second he signed on i told her to ask him.. it took a while lol. so in the mean time he started to talk to me. like a lot. and lately we have been talking a lot. i thought she was going to tell me that he does. but she didn't. But for some reason i didn't believe her. it wasn't that i didn't want to believe it and it wasn't that i didn't want to believe it, just for it to be wrong. I really think he likes me. i don't know why. i mean i kind of thought it with my 2 month crush, but i have a REALLY strong feeling that he does. I could understand why he would want to lie, i mean i started to lie to some people about liking the 2 month guy after a while. it's the way he talks to me, and how he looked at me on friday. it's the way we could have a conversation about who was going to pick what we were going to have a conversation about. it's the way i feel like i can tell him almost anything. it's the fact that I'm almost willing to tell him i like him just to prove he feels the same way. it's the way that i can find nothing that could make it any less than perfect. it's the way that I'm not shy around him. It's just the way this feels so right! it's the way this feels perfect..♥
-xo Laura♥

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we're not so pleasant and we're not so conventional, we sure as hell ain't normal but we deal we deal.

I was so pissed this morning! That paul guy called me the 'c' word.. and you know how much i hate that word! I can yell at someone and every other word could be fuck, but i would NEVER say the 'c' word. I won't even type it! So i went all ape shit on him and he deleted it but i don't care. he read it and he knows how i feel. He's a racist, sexist, arrogant, stoner, stupid, emo/scene kid hating stalker so i couldn't care less. But i was really pissed when i read it! But then i talked to the guy i like and it cheered me up!
It's someone new for those of you who don't know. I've known this one since like grade 4. My step dad is friends with his dad so i've known him for a while. We were never really friends until like january. He liked me when we first started to talk a lot. I guess I've always been busy with other crushes since then. when i first met him i liked a guy at his school. then i like someone you are all familiar with, the guy i liked for 2 months, then i liked the guy that i did for like a week, up until thursday. Well i had a dream that night that i was dating this new crush. me, him and some of my friends were walking down this path between these two really tall hedges and he was trying to get me to chase him, but i didn't want to run so i ran up to him and grabbed his hand and kissed him. Then that stupid alarm went off and ruined everything.
I woke up in a haze.. did i like him? or was it just a dream? i pushed it aside, because i had to get up and face the hell that was now my school. we had drama, french and science. nothing really important happened. Then at recess we went to the office so our friend could drop off her note.. i don't know why we came, because she didn't go out for lunch with us! She went with Arden, the girl in yellow and our other friend lol. but that's ok. I would never disown my friends for being friends with people i can't stand. anyway. then we went so i could pick up my script. god i don't have one line! I'm totally quitting! It's not worth my time! So then we went outside. but we didn't even do much, but that's cool.
Then when we went back inside i walked up to one of my best friends and said 'I'm off to hell!' and she was like 'oh yea, good luck.' Then one of my other friends said pretty loudly 'hey good luck in gifted!' and some of the people who are in my class heard and one was like 'why good luck?' and i was like 'uh. nothing, never mind.' and then he was bugging me about it for a while. I didn't say much at all in class. i was just doing my work. i almost caught up to everyone else (because i was away the first day we started this unit so i've been a day behind them all week). At the end of the class my teacher asked me if i was ok because i didn't say much. I lied and said i was fine, just so i could get out of the class.
When we were on our way to subway for lunch we were running because Arden said that her and the people she was going out for lunch with were going to subway, so we had to get our table. Some of our other friends sat with the three of us too. then he came in.. i decided to tell my best friend who was sitting beside me that i like him.. 'i like someone else now..' I whispered in her ear. '_______?' she whispered back. 'how did you know?' i said out loud but no one seemed to notice. 'because he just walked in!' she said. i later told my best friend who was sitting across from me when my friend who was beside her moved. a few minutes later we went and sat with him.. we got four people on one side of the table.. which didn't make much sense because there was only one person on the other side.
not much else happened until we were about to go back to school. He wanted us to go over to him, but my fried didn't want to cause she thought he was gonna do something... well she was right! When we finally made her go over she made us come too. and well i was gonna anyway and then my other friend would have to because she wouldn't want to stand there alone lol. so when we finally walked up he had a packet of vinegar under his shoe and he tried to hit us with it. luckily we ran so it missed. but it was so funny.
Then i was back to hell. i was the first person there.. but i left my speech sheet in my locker, so i had to go back and get it. when i got there Arden, the girl in yellow and my/their friend were in the hall because they were late. my locker is right between the girl in yellow and Arden. so i left quickly. when i got back everyone else was there too, which was weird cause i didn't pass any of them in the hall.. at least i didn't think so.. maybe my mind was somewhere else.. well we did some work and i caught up on my history, and so all i had to do was my speech.. but since today was earth hour, we had it for the last hour of school yesterday. and since we needed the computers to research our speeches we had no work. so we played balderdash(which i am bad at explaining eh becca? rofl).  so me and the girl in yellow got along. and i got along with the rest of the class too. but i knew it wouldn't last. it's kind of like if you're at a party with three people. one you hate, and one is hosting the party, so they're friends with both of you. you're bound to talk to the person you hate, and maybe even get along and laugh with them.. but it's only until monday when the cliques are back and you can go back to hating them as much as your little heart desires. Well it's just like that. and on monday we'll go back to not saying one word to each other.
When i got home yesterday i went on msn and talked to him for so long. it was so nice. it was kind of weird though, because this is the first time in a while that i like someone who didn't know.. Usually i don't want them to know.. but i want him to know.. but at the same time i don't until i know if he still likes me. I'm getting one of my best friends to ask him for me, because I'm not even suposed to kow he liked/likes me. But i don't know if I'm going to get her to tell him that i like him too if he does.. *I'm gonna muster every ounce of confidence i have, cannon ball into the water. remember?* I just can't wait to find out.. because if he does this could be the first crush in a while to actually become more than just that.. a crush..
-xo Laura♥

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holding it all in until no one is around to see me at my worst..

today was the worst day of my life!
I take back everything i said in yellow yesterday!!
today started out not horrible.. but I'm surprised that i didn't know something was wrong! my mom called in sick from work. and she hasn't done that in like 5 years! well when i got to school i found out that the guy i like (well liked) has a girlfriend.. but w.e i was questioning weather or not i liked him anymore anyway. so i didn't care. Then in music we did basically nothing cause we were supposed to have grad phtots taken then. So then in french we had to work, but i didn't so much :) . then in health we did this really easy activity and that's when they started calling everyone down. But i didn't get called then. Then at recess we went to see if we are in the play. but I got a shitty role. i was kinda disappointed, and i guess that's when it started going down hill.
When we went outside we were talking about it and i decided then that i might quit and my ex-best friend was bugging me about it going like 'why do you want to quit? you have to have a good reason!' and i didn't answer her cause really it's none of her business! But one of my new best friends started coming up with reasons that i might want to quit.. none of them right, but cool of her to try. And my ex-best friend started saying that this other girl is my friend, and she's not! Then we got away from all of them and started talking about it and i told her why i wanted to quit. this chick.. let's call her Arden, well i hate Arden and she's in it, and i don't even have a good role so it's so not worth my time. and then we started talking about how my ex-best friend bugs us and cause she just assumed that i was still friends with the other girl, and that she always hits people and like she's not 2 anymore, it's not funny. people want to seriously punch her in the face! and she acts like everyone is so much stupider than her. like if you ask her a question because you don't understand it, but she does she's just like ignore you and it's like what the fuck, i asked you for a reason! Then she'll ask you a stupid question seriously expecting you to answer it!
Then we had math, but first we had DVPA, but since we were having grad photos soon our teacher didn't make us do it. So i was called down with the first group after recess. and i was the first to get my photo taken. and the chick taking it was creepy. she plated with my hair and she didn't tell you where to put your hands.. she moved them. and it was just weird. then i went back to class and we were still having 'DVPA' and i was watching my friends play cards and the girl in yellow (the one i was talking about yesterday in yellow) was being all bitchy saying like "go away if you're not playing!" and i was like "why?" and she was like "cause i don't want you here, it's my desk!" and i was like "_______(the girl who sits there too) can i sit here?" and she said "sure!" so i didn't move. then arden came over and was like "does my hair look good?" and i was like "no it's hedious!" but like i was joking, i always do and no one has said they don't like it so like wtf? and she was like "why are you being rude?" and the girl in yellow was like "maybe cause she is rude!" and i was like "or maybe because i don't like you!" and then we started fighting.
Then we went to math class and i didn't talk at all, but people were talking about me, i know it! i hate gifted so much! I hate everyone in it! I hate how they act, how immature they are, i hate what they talk about and how they are so oblivious! When I'm mad, and I'm not talking, they don't get that they shouldn't mess with me! I hate being with them 4, sometimes even 5 periods a day! I want to be in the normal class but my mom won't let me! I hate having to listen to them! I hate seeing them be retards! i hate them!!
At lunch my friend i sit with asked if i was mad at her and i said no, and then she asked me if i would come with her to the bathroom when she went to bruch her teeth (cause she has braces) and i said sure. and i got my best friends to come with me too, but only one came immediately. i was sitting on the heater trying to hold in the tears since math. I tried to explain why i hate gifted to my best friend and my friend but i couldn't hold in m tears any longer, as they ran down my face i felt like i was defeated. but i tried to stop when i heard the door open. luckily it  was my other best friend. Still trying to keep my tears in, my best friend was explaining to my other best friend what was wrong. I was defeated. the warm trickle of my tears rolling down my cold cheeks made me feel worse. It's like a slow poison. when i dried my tears, not really relieved, but a slight bit better we went outside. we had fun. I love my friends, the few i actually have at my school, but it's enough for me.We played in the snow, and ran around and we had a blast.only to go back into hell.
I went back to the dreaded gifted. I did my work, and thought, did some more work, thought a lot, wrote my friend a note, and listened to them again. The girl in yellow is the worst, because she isn't like that. I didn't talk much then either..
When i got home i had to hold it in some more, i still am in fact. I went on msn and arden started to talk to me and she was being a total bitch saying that everyone hates me, and that i have no life and that i'm a poser and i was like ok w.e. but then she started labeling me because of what  i look like and how i do my hair. she told me that i was emo because i was being depressed, and rude and because i wear make up and tease my hair. i was so fucking pissed and i almost called her the 'c' word.
I was telling my crush/ex-crush (i don't know anymore.. :S) what was wrong, and everything. and how it's so hard to be this upset without people at home finding out.. Then i told him that today started out alright, other than what one of my best friends told me. and i told him to ask her what it was because it was weird for me to say it. so he did and he found out it was that he has a girlfriend. and he didn't get why it bothered me.. wow you know how to make someone who already feels like shit feel so much better. Then he asked if i liked him.. wow what do i say.. idk ? so i said i did, and that she told him, but idk anymore. then he asked why i don't know anymore.. and i said it's pretty obvious. i mean he has a girlfriend.. it's kind of a lost cause now. i just don't know anymore.. great another thing to make this day wonderful!
-xo Laura♥

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can you just drop it..

ok it's been a while, and a lot has happened. But I'll start off telling you about the title! Ok, so as some of you know, a while ago this creepy, racist, stalker commented on my blog, and me and my friends checked out his blog, and he's a total asshole! http://corpsegrinder-paul.blogspot.com/ read it seriously! ok, so my friend and him have been fighting about eachother and it's kinda stupid! Not for her, she's saying the truth, that he shouldn't write racist stuff on the internet, sure if you want to be an ignorrent asshole whatever, but other people don't give a shit. But he's making shit up about my friend saying that she's racist and that she's a whore and that she's boy crazy. ok, maybe that last one is ture (no offense) but she's a thirteen-year-old girl! it's expected!
Ok, another weird thing happened. Me and my friend that i have been friends with since grade four have kind of.. drifted apart, like neither of us did anything to upset the other, but she has recently been hanging out with this girl that i don't really like, and so i would never hang out with her at school, but i wouldn't tell her that i didn't like her friend because i wouldn't want her to think that she had to ditch that friend to be mine, and i didn't want her to get mad at me because she thought that that was what i meant, because i would NEVER do that to anyone i cared about. And despite anything she might think, i DO care about her. She also said that i changed. I changed what i looked like, but I'm still the same laura. she said i changed my new bestfriends, but because i wasn't hanging out with her anymore. But she said i talk different, but i don't know what she means by that. For the past while me and he haven't been talking, and i guess she was mad at me. maybe i did something.. I told her to get lost and that something wasn't any of her business, but i was pms-ing. i know that that's not an excause, but i was also mad about other stuff, and sure she's annoying at times, but i usually love that about her, but that day i didn't. I don't want to go into detail about why i was mad already, but it was a good reason. today when i got to school i walked right past her, i know, harsh, but i thought she was still mad at me. She made her way into our conversation and we started talking. I was so happy. She's a really good friend and i love her to death. I hope that we can stay friends for a long time. We might not hang out at school, but we still have gifted together. I know that when we get to high school we will be in different cliques, but we will still have the hour long bus ride :) as long as the other girl doesn't go to nhs. I'm sure we won't be as close as we used to be, but we will still be friends. People are changing, and i used to be left in the past, so i know what she's going through. it sucks, but i started to change and catch up to people, and soon she will too. you can't be a little kid forever. i know i hate the word, but everyone has to mature someday. She's a year younger than me, so she might not change for a while yet, but i hope she can understand why I'm changing now. You didn't do anything wrong, everyone's just changing..
ok more stuff that happened. when i started writing this blog, i was going to tell you everything that happened at disney world, but now i don't think it matters. well i will say that i had so much fun! and i found 69 hot guys! (there was 70, but the last one sat near me on the plane and he had a horrible accent, and i saw him for like 2 and a half hours, so i found everything that was wrong with him!)  and that 69 included peter pan! rofl!!
ok i have this girl on msn, and it's not that i hate her or anything, it's just we're not friends or anything, but she talks to me on msn all the time, and she's annoying!! I don't want to be mean to her, but i wish she would just leave me alone!
something else weird happened today. I had fun in gym! and when the teacher was joking with me.. i didn't care. i laughed. she was being nicer and i wasn't in a bad mood towards her. Well anyway, i guess i better wrap this up, so final thought:

Ok, stop making this stuff up and GET OVER IT!
I hope we can just put this in the past. I never want to loose you as a friend♥.
i might tell you guys more about it if you ask :)
Sorry, but you know we're not friends, so I'm not going to tell you everything, and i don't care about grad photos tomorrow lol.
Maybe it's the unit, or because i'm glad about my friend and i talking again or still happy about disney world, but it won't last!
so that's all for today.
-xo Laura♥

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wtf? don't be a dick!

today kinda sucked, being the first day back to school from march break and all. But it was pretty weird. I mean the day was pretty cool and normal, like at lunch recess we were teaching these like grade 3s and 4s sex ed! rofl. don't ask.and we played football in DVPA, that was fun. But when we were walking home, me and my friend, we heard my ex-crush's friend say 'Laura you wanna bang ______' and like he knows i don't like him anymore, and i would think his friend would know too. But it was really annyoing me and i was like 'um absolutely not!' then we were laughing about it, but it was still like.. weird.. and then when he was on msn i asked him about it.. ok this is how it went:
me: wtf was that about? 
him: what
me: you're friend! (i actually used his real name, but i can't say it on here)
him: idk
me: oh 
       well i don't even like you anymore (no affence)
him: i know _____ was being a dick
me: uh yea!
him: whats that mean
me:um.. i was agreeing with you that he was being a dick .. ?:S
then he signed off and i was like ok w.e.
Well nothing else really happened today.. oh this kid in my gifted class kept saying that i look like this other girl in the other class. and i was like wtf? no i don't! and then at the end of the day when me and my friend we're about to leave the hall and she was like "____ said that me and you look the same! but we don't!" and i was like "i know he kept saying that but we look nothing alike!" and we don't! like wtf?! rofl
omg there is this creepy stalker kid who commented on my last blog and he's so racist! like holy shit kid, you're 13! I've never heard someone that racist since like hitler!! wtf is our problem?!
-xo Laura♥

p.s. I might blog again later tonight.

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you make me feel so bad.. for feeling so good..

yesterday i got my haircut and i LOVE it! I slept over at my friend's house (the one who likes him too) and we partied hard! we were on webcam for some people to show off our sexy scene haiir! one of our friend's was really sad.. so we cheered him up :). Her sister's boyfriend was over too and it was really funny! also last night the buy i like was going to blow off the plans that we've had since sunday! so we were really mad/sad! but we got over it when we found out that he was coming! we also hung out with one of his friend's and one of our friend's who used to go to our school. we were in giant tiger and we were just waiting for him to call my cell. Then we ran into her and my friend saw her first. *ok just to make this easy, we'll call the girl we ran into spring rofl inside joke!* and she was like "hey spring! me and laura got our haircut!" and i was still coming and spring was like "it looks good!" then i came around the corner and she was like "woah laura you look emo!" rofl. and i was like "not emo scene! scene kids are happy emo kids!" haha so anyway we were talking to her and we were like ok we have to get out of here! i can't breath! so then we were waiting forever and i was like k I'm texting him! and i was like 'where are you guys?! ugh!" and he was like 'were here!' and we all stood up and i was like where is here?! but him and his friend were at the school and they were walking to get us. i ran ahead of the other two and i was like "oh i guess they aren't coming to meet you!" and he was like "who are they?!" and i was like "_________ and oh that's spring" and he was like "oh who are you?" and i was like "i hate you! I'm laura! _____ they don't recognize me!" because the last time he saw me was in december! and this was my first time meeting his friend in person. so then we went back over to the school and me and my friend were wondering if our teacher moved our desks for our new seating plan yet. so we ran through the snow. and i was wet and cold. but that was only the beginning of it! i fell so many more times and i kept saying i was so cold! and people were like "that's why you wear a jacket!" and i was like "NO! my jacket is ugly!!" well anyway we went to hang out on the playground at the school and i fell some more. then my friend tried to push him in the snow but it didn't work. then a few minutes later i did and it actually worked then i ran from him, but he caught me and we had a mini snowball fight but i fell and he gave me a snow job :( but that's ok cause my friend got him to the ground and i gave him one :) so then we were really cold so we got out of the snow and went to the portapacks. holy geese he has amazing blue eyes! Then we went to the store and then we went back to giant tiger, but we got kicked out :( rofl. but it was worth it! then we had to walk all the way up to sobey's and it was like a long walk! then you know stupid me, i forgot to turn and go home rofl. so i walked the whole way just to turn around and go back! well when i did leave i said bye to my friend, his friend and spring then i hugged him just like as a friendly hug.. as far as he had to know rofl. then he asked where i lived and i said "like waay back there haha!" and he was like "woah why did you come this far?" and i was like "uh.. i don't know!" then he was like oh, ok and he hugged me! and i was thinking like OMG!!! this is so sweet! does he like me too?! but like you guys all know what happened last time for thinking that! earlier when we were hanging out at the school my friend was like "i think he likes you!" and i was thinking 'omg i hope so! but wait.. NO I DON'T!!!!' because she likes him too! well the whole time i was on my way home i was thinking like 'omg i like him so much but what about _____?! but with just that hug i know that if he ever asked me out i would say yes! i hope he doesn't like me!!' then when i got home we went out for dinner and god the restaurant that we went to only has like 4 options for vegetarians! but i couldn't even eat. i felt so sick.. but in a good way, you know like butterflies?! well when i got home my friend told me that he likes me and that she's cool with it! and when she told him that i liked him too his smile got so much bigger like :) -> :D and i was so happy!!! omg i like him so much!!! i can't be mad or sad or any other emotion other than happy right now!!!!
so school again on monday huh? i can't wait. i wonder if people won't recognize me! rofl that would be funny! we decided that I'm going to scare small children and our friend! I can't wait!
-xo Laura♥

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well there's 2 months of wasted time, but i don't care.

oh my god do you know how much easier life is for me right now ?! I don't like my 2 month crush anymore! I asked him a few days ago if he likes me, and he said no, but that's ok, I'm actually ok with that! I decided that it wasn't worth my time anymore. but now i have another crush.
but i know that nothing will ever happen, because i won't let it! I promised my friend that i wouldn't like him. last night was horrible, because i realized that I do like him.. but in respect to her, I'm going to tell her tomorrow night when I'm at her house that I like him, but that i will never let anything happen. I really tried not to! I really didn't want to! I used to really like him. and we liked each other, but nothing ever happened, and i got tired of wasting my time on it, so i told him that something has got to happen or i'm going to stop wasting my time on him. wow sounds familiar huh?! so then we were just friends. And we were really good friends too. I don't know why or how, but my feelings are rekindling slowly, and before i know it I'm going to like him as much as my past crush, i know it! But i will promise her that i won't let anything happen, and i will promise myself the same thing! The hardest part of it all is that I'm going to be hanging out with him, her and two of our other friends. But i can deal!
I had a dream that we were all in a convenience near us and me and him were standing in front of a fridge looking at the energy drinks and i was explaining to him why i couldn't drink monsters cause I'm a vegetarian. and he put his arm around me, and i smiled. then i saw her and one of our other friends come around the corner and i grabbed his hand and took it off my shoulder. he held onto my hand and i looked at him and started crying. he let go of my hand to hug me but i ran. my friend who likes him ran after me. i was sitting on a snow bank and she came up to me. i explained to her what happened and that i like him but i never wanted anything to happen. She forgave me, but she stopped liking me. he asked me out, but i said i couldn't. i didn't tell him why. but it was because of her.
ok, so onto something else. tomorrow I'm getting my hair cut, and so is my friend. Oh My God! we are going to be the only scene kids at our school! This is what I'm thinking of getting!
my mom hates it! rofl. But i love it! I think that right after i get it cut I'm going to remind her that grad photos are on march 27th! hahaha! she's gonna kill me! Oh my godd! the 27th is a thursday, so she won't even be home to see my hair teased for the pic! ahahahahahaha!!!! this is amazing! I love my mom, but she will hate this! and i have to do it!
So march break has been pretty boring lately, but it's only a week till I'm in Florida! oh god. you know that rice crispies commercial where you get a Barbie or hot wheels watch?! well we got one. I don't eat cereal, so if it was like a good prize, i wouldn't get it, but since no one else wanted it i have it! hahahaha it's the pink one! oh yea, hot pink! my step brother dared me to wear it everywhere until i get back from Florida! and if someone asks for the time i have to comment on it like saying "ok I'll check my not pink Barbie watch!" or "don't you just love my hot pink Barbie watch?!" rofl. he doesn't think I'll do it! but oh my god it'll be soo funny!
My grad dress came 2 days ago.! it looks really good, but it's too big. we have to get it fitted because my boobs aren't big enough! rofl. it falls down! oh that would be uber embarrassing!
oh my god you will never believe this.. I'm going to start wearing makeup :O !! rofl. just eyeliner, but yea! it will look really good with my hair! :)
I made a new myspace! not that anyone who actually has this also has myspace, but I just wanted to let you know! it's www.myspace.com/thisisthescene_xx I'm gonna get 3k (3000) and then I'm going to delete it :) hahaha just for kicks! Well I'm out!
-xo Laura♥

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people think this is funny! BUT IT'S NOT!!

ok i found this on youtube and people are commenting on it like "this is hilarious because it's not like that!" and like yea it is! and poeple say stuff like "she's not emo!" or like "emo kids don't act like that!" but like holy miss the big picture!!
WARNING: this video swears like mad!


ok people think this is funny but it's not! Cause people actually go through this! speaking as a scene kid it's not cool to hear people making fun of people standing up about this kind of stuff ! like holy crap. it's easy to be a sheep like all of the people who make fun of this chick, but it takes guts to take a stand! this IS discrimination. this IS true. this IS how some people have to spend their life because of people like them who think they're better than people who choose to express themselves like this! what makes them better than her? this is NOT funny! this is serious because it happens and people don't seem to care! This video is called 'Emo Crybaby Rant of Immense Shame' but what makes her a crybaby? Because she's emo ? because she get's upset about people who think it's just a game to hate on people who are emo or scene ? honestly what this chick is saying is inspiring ! like seriously ! if you want to know what some of these people are saying about this go to youtube and type in 'emo rant' click on the first one than on 'Emo Crybaby Rant of Immense Shame (this is a repost)' I am awaitingeurope . and there are only a few coments agreeing with this. I am one of them !


-xo Laura♥

he's ok..

he was walking in town the whole time. But that doesn't make up for how mad I am at her!
we had a good friendship.. but it's funny how a few words can ruin something like that. I really don't want to fight. but I also can't forgive her right now! I am almost in tears for the second time tonight. Don't ask me why because i really don't want to get into it! there is so much shit going on that i just really don't even care anymore! About anything! I hope I'm not ruining your march break, and that yours is a lot better than mine!
-xo Laura♥

p.s. same deal. if you don't understand the seriousness of this blog, don't bother commenting.

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omg don't tell me how to f*cking feel!

this is not going to be a normal blog of my because it's not going to involve that stupid boy like the rest of them for he is the LAST thing on my mind.
As i type this one of my good friends is missing. No one knows where he is! I am not going to say who it is because none of you even need to know. But I am scared to death right now. My friends told me and i thought they were kidding. But they're not. I was really worried so i saw that in her msn name it said 'pleasebeOKAY(U):( ' so in my name i put 'please.be.ok.______ (u):( ' then one of them told me to take it out of my name so i was like why? and she was like because it's a private issue. and we decided to tell you. bc you have nothing to do with it. and i was like wtf ? he's one of my really good friends. it has something to do with me! so i said to her ok w.e and she was like don't be mad. and i was like don't worry about it! and she was like well i am because you're one of my best friends and you're pissed at me. and i was like well don't. and she was like wtf ? and i was like k w.e and she was like wtf laura, this had like nothing to do with you, but we wanted to tell you. his mom doesnt want it to be public. and i was like k well don't worry about it, it's not in my name anymore. and she was like yea but you're being all pissy at me and you're one of my best friends I don't want you to be mad at me. and i was like k whatever I'm not mad. I was obviously lying but if they didn't realize why i would be mad that they basically said that one of my best friend is missing and it has nothing to do with me especially since i was his friend long before they even knew he existed and that i shouldn't be worried. obviously I'm gonna be fucking mad at you! like holy shit! I swear to god if anything happens to that boy i will never speak to them again!

I love you so much! please be okay! every tear i shed for you is like an eternity of being alone! please come back. please let someone know where you are! And please don't let anything happen to you ..xx♥

-xo Laura♥

p.s. if you don't understand the seriousness of this blog don't bother commenting, because i don't fucking want to hear it!

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because dreams don't lie, there's something here, we just have to find it together..

I guess this all started like 2 months ago! This was before i liked him. we got to pick our electives. I really wanted to try snowboarding. I was going to go last year, but none of my friends would go, so we went to the circus. I REALLY wanted to go this year, being the last year for electives, but NO! my friend was making me feel guilty for not wanting to go to the circus again with her. So since she only acts like that around me, I decided to make her stop complaining, and signed up for it with her. On the day of the electives we had a snow day, and i was pissed. I don't think i liked him then either. but idr. so anyway it was rescheduled for today, and i really wish i went snowboarding! and not because he went.. actually, in spite of that. Because i have no idea how to! and he's good at it, so i wouldn't really want to embarrass myself. so anyway on the way to the circus, we played would you rather on the bus! EW it was gross! I had to lick the window! But other people had to do worse stuff, like one of my friends had to suck on one of my other friend's hair, then lick the whole seat, then she used her Gatorade as mouth wash, and she spit it out on the ground. Then some other kid had to lick it! EW!! Than he had to lick my friend's shoe, and she stepped in dog crap, mud AND the Gatorade! EWW!  when we got there all I could think of was him. I wish he was there! I have been there a few times before so i knew how to do the trapeze and i knew the tuck, pike and stratel(sp?) and i even won the competition :) so anyway i could show off rofl. So i couldn't get him out of my head no matter how hard i tried! and when i was on the ledge about to jump in the foam pit and all i could see was him in my mind on the way down. On the back we played would you rather again. and it was still bad! I had to lick my friend's brother's glasses! so when we got there we went in the gym, but then we left and went to the computer lab. I had no idea what to do, so i went on a site the girl beside me suggested. quiztron.com. I was going to write a blog, but then i was like "yea no, way too many people around!" rofl. Then since we had our bags with us i just had to get my coat from my locker. then so conveniently, he was right behind me and i almost walked into his snowboard. rofl. then he was like RIGHT behind us on the way home. I'm so glad i wasn't alone! it was really icy on the field, and my friend was like "don't fall, you wouldn't want him to see!" but really i wouldn't care. then she fell and i laughed so hard! and he looked at me, so i urged her to get up faster! Then he was like right behind me still and then he fell behind i guess lol. and my friend was like "where does he live?" and I was like "um i don't.. How the hell am i supposed to know?!" and she laughed and was like "oh c'mom you haven't stalked him yet?! haha all ou see is you like walking RIGHT behind him and someone yells out 'hey are you two dating?' and you're like 'no.. shh.. go away' and he's like 'what did that person just say? something about dating ?' and you're like 'yea i.. i like dates.. date squares, yea, and fig newtons!' haha!" and i was like "but i don't like date squares or fig newtons!" and she was like "yea.. but then tomorrow he comes up to you with like a box of them with like bows and stuff! and you're like 'oh.. wow.. thanks..' and you eat them and you like throw up! haha but that would be so sweet!" rofl and it would, but only in a fantasy world! Then only a few minutes he was listening to a song that my friends make fun of me for liking! And i didn't know anyone else even liked it! so i was just about to say that, but he changed it and i was like "HOE!" rofl. Tomorrow I'm doing my science project with my friend after school! Can't wait!
-xo Laura♥

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you're stunning, you're cunning..

Today was... good ? bad ? maybe a bit of both. But I guess mostly good. I woke up to that annoying noise of my alarm on my cell. But that didn't matter, because I was waking up from the most wonderful dream, and if i was lucky, it would become my reality.. on my way to school, it wasn't too cold, and i could actually listen to mp3 player without my headphones falling out of my ears. as i was on my way, i saw him on the other side of the road, far ahead of me, so he probably didn't notice, but i did see him look my way. when i got to the doors, expecting to be stuck there with my friends and him and his friends, I was pleasantly surprised to see that we were allowed to go inside. when i got inside i hung out with my friends in the hall. then when i realized that i had forgotten something in my locker i realized that he was standing 3 lockers away. I was probably really red, but i didn't care, i had to get something. when the first bell rang our french teacher was there, so almost everyone went in. But my friend had basically just gotten there, so me and one of our other friends waited for her, plus he wasn't leaving right away either. then the second bell rang and the teacher made us come in. during that class me and my friend were talking a lot and then we were hitting each other with dictionaries. He called me bookish and her a Neanderthal. rofl. then he said he was going to send us to the detention room if we didn't stop. So we did. Then we watched Shrek in art. we decided that I was donkey, my friend was shrek, one of our guy friends from another school was fiona and my crush was dragon. we had a lot of fun. than at recess we were outside and he was just wearing a t shirt! I was wearing a hoodie and i was cold! anyway, we weren't hanging out in the usual spot, we were near where he and his friends were having a snowball fight. my friend was giving me a piggy back and i was falling and she was like "Laura you're falling!" so i tried to get off, and she tried to make me not fall. so I fell on my ass. But it was funny, and it got his attention! and so did a lot that me and my friends were doing. Then in science these guys came into our class and started doing something, but we had no idea what. So someone was like "it's a crime scene!" and i was like "yea that's why _____'s not here, he's dead! and that's why _______'s not here, she killed him and she running away to mexico!" rofl. At lunch he came into our room and i hate my friends! rofl. one who sits in front of me, but who eats lunch with us, just looked at me and smiled that smile that says "you're blushing!" then i heard my other friend 'cough' but really she was calling my name! And then another one of my friends called my name and smiled a big stupid smile mocking me! Then my friend who sits beside me was like "______ you don't fit in here! you're too short to be in grade 8!" and he was like "I'm taller than you!" rofl. and i was like "um, ____ too!" then we were all laughing at her! Then at the yearbook meeting my friend 'coughed' again and i turned bright red again, but he wasn't even there! I hate my friends! jk ily. then at the end of the day me and two of my friends were like the last people in the halls and my gym teacher/his homeroom teacher was like "______ there goes your boyfriend ____!" and he was like "____'s not my boyfriend... _____ is!" and we were all like "woah!" and than i was like "well he did think the guy on the jones bottle was hot! and I'm pretty sure he heard me, but it was really funny! Then when he wasn't in the hall (thank god!) my friend was like "wow Laura, you really know how to pick 'em!" I almost killed her! and I would have if he was still there! Then when we were leaving, he was still there, talking to his teacher. so we past him, but he wasn't far behind! I almost fell and screamed a few times! rofl.
So electives tomorrow! I'm going to circus despite my fear of clowns! rofl, but it's really fun! But unfortunately I don't have a camera! But my friend might be borrowing her sister's!
peace..
-xo Laura♥

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it's an open kind of fear..

ok, it's been a while, so I decided to post about friday and the weekend. Friday was fun! we went out for lunch, same thing as always, with two of my best friends. We went to subway, and one of my friend's ate half of my sub rofl. Then we left and walked around a bit, talked to people, and hung out with this guy, I guess he's my friend. Well at first recess I bought him, the two friends i went out for lunch with and myself hot chocolate. Well anyway we had a lot of fun, and one of my friends bought a jones with a really hot guy on it rofl. We went back to school early cause it was really cold. so we went inside and we heard the bell, but we were the only people in the halls cause it was only the first bell. Well I guess my crush saw us, so he came in the hall too.Cause my friends are the best, the one with the hot guy on the jones bottle, called him over. I saw at my locker with another one of my friends who didn't go out for lunch and I saw just like "i hate _____" . He walked over and she was like "Hey ______, isn't he hot ?" and he smiled and was like "mhmm!" rofl. then she was like "hey why weren't you out for lunch?" and he was like "i was!" and she was like "oh , I didn't see you.." and he was like "oh I saw you!" and he looked me in the eyes and i looked back into my locker. "I was about to say I saw you!" but no! that would be weird! UGH!! anyway, I think my friend knew too, so she changed the subject.. "why did you come back so early?" and he said something like "i don't know." idk, i couldn't really hear. and i was like "probably cause it was so cold!" my head still looking in my locker so our eyes couldn't meet again. Then the second bell rang and he walked away. I was honestly relieved.. until my friend had to go back to her locker and i almost ran into him in the hall! Then at the end of the day when we were leaving we had to get through the usual crowd of grade 7s to get out the door and he was like right behind me and he almost ran into me.. Ok, on to yesterday. nothing really happened until the night. My neighbor came over and she brought her dog, Roxy, who I LOVE! But i almost called her my crush's name like 3 times . and I DID twice! He is on my mind hella too much! (yea idk why i just said hella rofl) .  today I went to the mall and got lots of new clothes and shoes and a new bathing suit and stuff. But my mom spent like $200 on me, so now i have to do whatever she says. Then I decided to talk to my friend that lives in Toronto now, and I haven't seen him since the last day of school! I miss him so much, and I can't wait till he comes back to keswick and maybe we can hang out some time! rofl he calls me a bully cause i love to make fun of this kid in my class. He's an ex-gifftie (giftie=gifted kid for thoes who don't know). I went out with him twice.. ok three times. lol. but he is really sweet so for those of you who know who I'm talking about don't judge me until you really get to know him! I love that kid (like a friend, or a brother) !
On Wednesday my friend is coming over so we can do our science project! rofl, it's gonna be so fun! Me + Steph + Jello & other sandy = trouble! rofl ily.
peace..
-xo Laura♥

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