what happened ? this was suposed to be simple. never complicated..

I sad about a week ago that i liked someone new. and that it wouldn't get complicated because i would never think he might actually like me. But it's because of my friends that i think this way. they always say that he might like me. and i know that they mean well, but i really wish that they would just mind their own business.
i confided in them by telling them that i like him. but that doesn't mean that i want to talk about him constantly. and i don't want to think about other people thinking about what we could (but probably would never) be. I told everyone that i told that we could only talk about him if it was only the two of us, or on msn/texting. but not everyone listened to me. i find myself engaging in conversations constantly at school about how i should ask him out or about things that are sick. Funny about other people, but when it's someone i like, it's just not funny anymore.
I never wanted to think this, but i do, and only because of people saying things that are really ridiculous. I never wanted him to find out, but if people keep acting so recklessly towards that subject he might. i know that they don't mean any harm, but they have to think about it. if it was someone else who cares less about this kind of stuff it's different. but i am sensitive about that kind of stuff.
i don't want him to find out. i don't care if you say that nothing will ever come of it, i really don't fucking care. because i'm happy not knowing. because I'm sure it would be no. he's way out of my league. again don't say shit like you should ask him out or he's not out of your league. if you want to say that stuff, walk away from the computer and go fuck yourself. and don't say I'm being bitchy. this is like my weakness. i would seriously take someone out if he ever finds out. seriously.
if shit like this keeps happening I'm not going to fucking trust anyone. I'll just fucking keep it to myself and not even tell anyone i like anyone. cause i won't fucking tell anyone no matter how much they bug me. I'll just get violent.
So i'm going to make some rules to anyone who knows who it is. you can't talk about him unless i bring it up. you can't say shit like i should ask him out because you fucking know i fucking won't so don't fucking waste your fucking time. it's so retarded when people say that shit knowing that i won't. it's fucking stupid and i want to kill them! like seriously. it's the absolute most annoying thing! and i swear to god if anyone EVER says that to me AGAIN i will not only never tell them who i like, i will never say ANYTHING to them! Don't be sick about him. like sure it's funny, kind of.. but when it's someone i like this much, it's not.. at all! Don't say shit like 'rawr' or 'grr' or some shit like that because no!!!!!!!!! i will fucking want to take you out. i seriously will. i HATE that more than anything. i'm a complex person. and if you can't deal with it, than fuck off and don't talk to me!!!! So just don't bring it up. if i want to talk about it i'll bring it up.
-xo Laura♥

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