we're not so pleasant and we're not so conventional, we sure as hell ain't normal but we deal we deal.

I was so pissed this morning! That paul guy called me the 'c' word.. and you know how much i hate that word! I can yell at someone and every other word could be fuck, but i would NEVER say the 'c' word. I won't even type it! So i went all ape shit on him and he deleted it but i don't care. he read it and he knows how i feel. He's a racist, sexist, arrogant, stoner, stupid, emo/scene kid hating stalker so i couldn't care less. But i was really pissed when i read it! But then i talked to the guy i like and it cheered me up!
It's someone new for those of you who don't know. I've known this one since like grade 4. My step dad is friends with his dad so i've known him for a while. We were never really friends until like january. He liked me when we first started to talk a lot. I guess I've always been busy with other crushes since then. when i first met him i liked a guy at his school. then i like someone you are all familiar with, the guy i liked for 2 months, then i liked the guy that i did for like a week, up until thursday. Well i had a dream that night that i was dating this new crush. me, him and some of my friends were walking down this path between these two really tall hedges and he was trying to get me to chase him, but i didn't want to run so i ran up to him and grabbed his hand and kissed him. Then that stupid alarm went off and ruined everything.
I woke up in a haze.. did i like him? or was it just a dream? i pushed it aside, because i had to get up and face the hell that was now my school. we had drama, french and science. nothing really important happened. Then at recess we went to the office so our friend could drop off her note.. i don't know why we came, because she didn't go out for lunch with us! She went with Arden, the girl in yellow and our other friend lol. but that's ok. I would never disown my friends for being friends with people i can't stand. anyway. then we went so i could pick up my script. god i don't have one line! I'm totally quitting! It's not worth my time! So then we went outside. but we didn't even do much, but that's cool.
Then when we went back inside i walked up to one of my best friends and said 'I'm off to hell!' and she was like 'oh yea, good luck.' Then one of my other friends said pretty loudly 'hey good luck in gifted!' and some of the people who are in my class heard and one was like 'why good luck?' and i was like 'uh. nothing, never mind.' and then he was bugging me about it for a while. I didn't say much at all in class. i was just doing my work. i almost caught up to everyone else (because i was away the first day we started this unit so i've been a day behind them all week). At the end of the class my teacher asked me if i was ok because i didn't say much. I lied and said i was fine, just so i could get out of the class.
When we were on our way to subway for lunch we were running because Arden said that her and the people she was going out for lunch with were going to subway, so we had to get our table. Some of our other friends sat with the three of us too. then he came in.. i decided to tell my best friend who was sitting beside me that i like him.. 'i like someone else now..' I whispered in her ear. '_______?' she whispered back. 'how did you know?' i said out loud but no one seemed to notice. 'because he just walked in!' she said. i later told my best friend who was sitting across from me when my friend who was beside her moved. a few minutes later we went and sat with him.. we got four people on one side of the table.. which didn't make much sense because there was only one person on the other side.
not much else happened until we were about to go back to school. He wanted us to go over to him, but my fried didn't want to cause she thought he was gonna do something... well she was right! When we finally made her go over she made us come too. and well i was gonna anyway and then my other friend would have to because she wouldn't want to stand there alone lol. so when we finally walked up he had a packet of vinegar under his shoe and he tried to hit us with it. luckily we ran so it missed. but it was so funny.
Then i was back to hell. i was the first person there.. but i left my speech sheet in my locker, so i had to go back and get it. when i got there Arden, the girl in yellow and my/their friend were in the hall because they were late. my locker is right between the girl in yellow and Arden. so i left quickly. when i got back everyone else was there too, which was weird cause i didn't pass any of them in the hall.. at least i didn't think so.. maybe my mind was somewhere else.. well we did some work and i caught up on my history, and so all i had to do was my speech.. but since today was earth hour, we had it for the last hour of school yesterday. and since we needed the computers to research our speeches we had no work. so we played balderdash(which i am bad at explaining eh becca? rofl).  so me and the girl in yellow got along. and i got along with the rest of the class too. but i knew it wouldn't last. it's kind of like if you're at a party with three people. one you hate, and one is hosting the party, so they're friends with both of you. you're bound to talk to the person you hate, and maybe even get along and laugh with them.. but it's only until monday when the cliques are back and you can go back to hating them as much as your little heart desires. Well it's just like that. and on monday we'll go back to not saying one word to each other.
When i got home yesterday i went on msn and talked to him for so long. it was so nice. it was kind of weird though, because this is the first time in a while that i like someone who didn't know.. Usually i don't want them to know.. but i want him to know.. but at the same time i don't until i know if he still likes me. I'm getting one of my best friends to ask him for me, because I'm not even suposed to kow he liked/likes me. But i don't know if I'm going to get her to tell him that i like him too if he does.. *I'm gonna muster every ounce of confidence i have, cannon ball into the water. remember?* I just can't wait to find out.. because if he does this could be the first crush in a while to actually become more than just that.. a crush..
-xo Laura♥

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