i'm totally skipping all the shit people fit in blogs to fill up space and just cut to the case. i talk to him a lot, and all the time he had no idea.. i like him so much. i don't know what it is about him that i can't get out of my head. ok so me and steph made this greatt idea that she would tell the person she likes that she likes him, and i would tell the person i like the same. well we were really hyper, and we were on webcam with him. well she pointed to me, made a heart, and pointed to the cam, signifying that i like him. well i got pissed, but she said that since she told him, that she would tell the person she likes. well as it went, he didn't even see, so she didn't even have to ask tell the person she liked, but he was sset to away. so she told the person i like that i like him, and he asked if i was serious. she asked him if it was a bad thing and he said he guessed that it wasn't. so she told him that i do like him. he said it was awkward. because he doesn't like me.. he said that he had too much stuff on his mind, but it didn't stop me from crying. he said that he didn't know what to say because he didn't want to screw anything else up, but the truth is that he couldn't say anything to make me feel worse. i don't know why. but he couldn't really hurt me anymore than that last night.
he felt really bad about it, because he hated saying that he didn't like me back, but i still like him so much. he's just so amazing. i mean if anyone else i liked ever just told me that they didn't like me like openly, then i would be so over them. but he told me, and i can't get over him. i like him way too much. and i've been told that we are the perfect match. well i hope so, because all the time i have spent dwelling on this better be worth it.
today we were talking to him on msn, and i was talking to him, because stephanie was upstairs changing, and right when she got back he asked how liking him was going. but stephanie already had my laptop and she said that she didn't want to talk about it because it was her, not me. we basically avoided the subject, probably because we both knew that she didn't want to get in the middle of it. well we got him to call us, and for most of the time it was both of us talking to him, but for the last like ten or fifteen minutes it was just me and him. it was hard, because i like him.. so much. and it was hard to not think about it. and not talk about it. i knew that we both wanted to, but we really couldn't.
when i went on msn after we finished talking on the phone (where he got me to sing to him.. still not really sure how) i got an offline message from him. saying that we really needed to talk about what happened, and that he felt really bad. i still really don't think that he should feel bad, it's not his fault that he doesn't like him. but we really do need to talk. i'm hoping that it will happen tomorrow (well now today i guess cause it's now 2 o'clock in the morning.) because the grad trip is tomorrow. i am getting msn on my phone, but i'm not sure how easy it's going to be.
i know that i should hate myself for thinking this, because i'm just setting myself up to get hurt, but by the way he was talking to me, it really seemed like he was starting to like me. please don't let me beleive it, even if you might think it, if you love me you will tell me not to think that way or something, because i have already cried twice for him (once when he found out that i like him, and once when i got off the phone with him) i don't want to again for the third day in a row. but i know that i probably will today anyway, because i am going to get hurt when we are talking about it, unless he actually does.. but i can't think that. i have to restrain myself. i know that you can't force beleifs onto yourself, but when you don't want to beleive something, it's so hard not to. i need to talk to this boy.. i need to know what is on his mind. i need to know what was so important to him that he was the one to say that we need to talk, and not just agree. i need to know how he feels..
-xo Laura♥
Sunday, June 15, 2008
can you hear my heart beat racing? can you see the tears in my eyes?
Posted by laura xo at 1:03 AM
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
4 comments:
I understand a part of your dilemma, but then there is another aspect that I don’t understand in the least. The relational part, I understand; the thing I don’t know what to make of is how you find the best in everyone. Maybe I’m not clear, and that would make sense too. You see, you remind me of someone with that line you said, “i need to know what was so important to him that he was the one to say that we need to talk, and not just agree. i need to know how he feels. i need to know it all..” Now, don’t take this the wrong way, (you’re a lot nicer than she was) but it sounds like my ex; not the one whom I’ve liked all this time, but the other one that wouldn’t leave me alone. Now before you get offended, let me point out that the similarities are good. I never cared for her persistence, but that quote of yours, I’m pretty sure she said that to one of my friends at one point. The fact was, she’s too optimistic, in my view; she thought of me as a viable date, a good person, when the truth is that I’m a social masochist, which makes for screwed up relationships. Here’s what I see in common. You see tons of people, and all the great parts of them, which is an amazing feat in its own right, but my theory is that it leads you to attach too much of your emotional self to others, and the worst part is they aren’t even aware that they hold such sway over you, so they don’t treat it with as much care as you do. This is exactly what happened to my ex; she attached too much emotion to me (this was after we broke up) and when I rejected her (because she dumped me) she would get really upset, but I was indifferent because, were I was coming from, there was no relationship. The only difference between this model and your relationships is mine are after the fact and yours are before.
That was a lot of text and psychology and all I really wanted to say was, don’t let them control you too much. There’s nothing wrong with a relationship that tugs on your heart, and those are the only ones that count, but don’t give everyone that chance; save it for someone who really cares, and won’t break your heart. A person like you that thinks so much about others deserves that much.
i know that i do get really attached to people that i like and i always only see the best in them until after i am over them. then i realize everything that is wrong about him.
i know that that quote sounded 'clingy' if you will, but really it's just so curious to me. i don't understand people and when i don't it bothers me, so i have to find out. i really didn't mean 'know it all' but really just try to understand him more, and understand why he is so different from anyone else i have ever liked, why he's not afraid to talk about it, why he isn't finding too awkward. i guess that the way that i said it potrayed something different than what i meant.
Hey,
Yeah, that sucks he doesn't like you back. And I'm guessing you guys can still be friends right? And it's good you got the answer because you would've probably kept putting it off. But still, there are other fish in the sea. [=
Hit me back,
Aren xo
Heyyyy!
Im Emily.
Ohhh...im sorry.
=c
I had that happen to me.
Once, i asked a guy to Sadies, and usually, most boys say yes to girl even if they dont like them. But what he did was he said no to me and asked my best friend!
She was a good friend and said NO.
=/
lolz.
feel better now
comment on my bloggg please?
<3
Post a Comment