because sometimes second chances are the only way to make things work..

ok, like always, I'll save the title till the end.. so today i was kinda depressed the whole time, cause i didn't really know if Garrett really likes me, so i was really just kinda weird, and I'm sorry to the people that i was kind of mean to. my mind was occupied, that's all. so in better beginnings we played this weird game involving pantie hose, plastic spoons, and duct tape! hahaha don't ask! So me and some of my friends won the champion idol. rofl. it's this ugly wooden statue! But i was happy :) haha. so in music, nothing happened really. we started working on out duets. I'm with one of my friends who also plays alto sax. and we're pretty good friends, so it's really fun! in french we did work, but like it wasn't hard or anything, so we didn't really mind.
at recess was when i started to get depressed. I was sitting alone cause the guy i sit with wasn't there. and we're not allowed to move, so i just thought the whole time. about Garrett really. so when i went to do my french presentation at recess i was pretty down. and one of my best friends thought i was taking it out on her but i seriously didn't mean to! so we didn't really do much after we went outside. in math we made grilled cheese sandwiches (haha yea, that's what we do in gifted math. we cook!) haha nah this was our first time. But they were really gross. and i didn't feel so great. so at lunch i didn't eat my salad and everyone was like 'whats wrong?' and everyone would look at me and i'd be like 'nothing' really quietly. Then at lunch recess i felt like i was going to throw up and pass out. and i almost did pass out a few times!
nothing really else happened, well i have to go soon, so I'll just skip to explaining the title. Duh, it's about Garrett. He broke up with me today. because we won't see each other much. and i was crushed. i cried for like a half an hour. but then i was happy that this wasn't just a lie (i didn't know at the time why he broke up with me) i was glad that he didn't keep going out with me even though he didn't like me. so i went back on msn and apparently he felt really bad for making this day that was already pretty bad worse. And he told one of my best friends that he wanted me back. But i really didn't know. i guess i could just show you the conversation i had with him *hey i don't even have to change his name :P I'm sorry it's so long.

(8:58 PM) GARRETT:	heeeeeey
(8:58 PM) lauracampbellxo.:	hi
(9:01 PM) GARRETT:	i no u probaly dont wanna talk to me right now and u probaly hate me but i made a bad decison dumpin u and i was wonderin if u wanna go out again and i under stand if its a no
(9:02 PM) lauracampbellxo.:	i really don't know. cause i like you so much! and i don't hate you. i never could. but i don't know if i can beleive that you really like me..
(9:04 PM) GARRETT:	i do lik u but the reason y i dyumped u is cuz i would only ever c u on fridays and weekeneds. lik if u went to my school it would be different
(9:05 PM) lauracampbellxo.:	so then why would you want to go out with me now ?
(9:07 PM) GARRETT:	cuz i screwed up
(9:07 PM) lauracampbellxo.:	so what changed. we wouldn't see each other anymore than that.
(9:09 PM) GARRETT:	true but im ok wit dat
(9:10 PM) lauracampbellxo.:	but why now, and not then ?
(9:10 PM) GARRETT:	well i didnt thjink of that before
(9:11 PM) GARRETT:	think *
(9:11 PM) lauracampbellxo.:	didn't think of what
(9:13 PM) GARRETT:	see u as much
(9:13 PM) GARRETT:	seeing
(9:13 PM) lauracampbellxo.:	k I'm really confussed.
(9:14 PM) GARRETT:	same
(9:14 PM) lauracampbellxo.:	lol. i think i know.
(9:14 PM) GARRETT:	lol
(9:14 PM) GARRETT:	k
(9:14 PM) lauracampbellxo.:	i will
(9:15 PM) GARRETT:	will wat
(9:15 PM) lauracampbellxo.:	omg
(9:15 PM) GARRETT:	srry im lost
(9:15 PM) lauracampbellxo.:	you're so stupid! lol
(9:15 PM) GARRETT:
(9:16 PM) lauracampbellxo.:	sorry.
(9:16 PM) GARRETT:	lol its ok
(9:16 PM) lauracampbellxo.:
(9:16 PM) GARRETT:
(9:17 PM) lauracampbellxo.:
(9:17 PM) GARRETT:
(9:18 PM) lauracampbellxo.:	so do you have to ask me something?
(9:18 PM) GARRETT:	no
(9:19 PM) GARRETT:	lol jk
(9:19 PM) GARRETT:	ya i do
(9:19 PM) lauracampbellxo.:	ok. good. cause i know the answer (but you still have to ask me )
(9:20 PM) GARRETT:	its a no
(9:20 PM) lauracampbellxo.:	what ?
(9:20 PM) lauracampbellxo.:	why would you think that ?
(9:20 PM) GARRETT:	lol i dunno
(9:21 PM) lauracampbellxo.:	well then just ask me and find out.
(9:21 PM) GARRETT:	k
(9:21 PM) lauracampbellxo.:	ok
(9:22 PM) GARRETT:	do u wanna go out
(9:22 PM) lauracampbellxo.:	yea
(9:23 PM) GARRETT:	sweet

I felt so loved. And i still do. i know it's kind of screwed, But I'm actually glad we broke up for an hour or so. because now i know that he really likes me. if he went to that much trouble for me i really know he must. I can't wait until friday! I like him so much! he's amazing! He's so shy, but it's really cute! people think that it's kind of funny that someone as shy as him is dating someone like me! haha but beleive it. because this has really brought us closer! It really does take a tragedy to see the though to the good ( :
-xo Laura♥

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& the countdown begins.

I was so happy that i got to talk to Garrett today! But it was kinda weird.. but I'll explain later. in the morning i was supposed to wake up at 7 am, but i was too busy day dreaming to actually wake up :P haha. so when one of my best friends came over i wasn't ready haha. so when we got to school we were the only people there! haha so we went over near the crossing gaurd my the church across from our school. and we were looking for her lover! hahaha she was a boyfriend, a husband, a man on the side, a man in waiting and a lover hahaha don't even ask!
In computers we got a seating plan! But i think that our teacher was like on crack when she made it! ok it goes (computer 22) one of my best friends, (computer 21) me, (computer 20) one of our kinda friends. But we all talk a lot :) and if one other person (some of you know him as 'D' from emalea's blog) it would be so loud! We were working on our speaches, and surprisingly we actually did work :O haha. In french we spent the last like 15 minutes that were supposed to be free time writing signs for a class who was outside. the gut my friend likes and my bestest friend was in that class and some of our other friends. so like the whole time we were getting people to get my bestest friend cause i wanted a high five *through a window* from him but he wouldn't come. so when he came in we weren't allowed to leave the art room, so i was trying to tell him to give me a high five and i held me hand to the window and i was like yelling it then he finally got it.
haha so at lunch me and one of my best friends had to help our french teacher/the basket ball coach move stuff from his truck to in the school! then we decided that since Arden went to the girls inc. party we would just skip it! so we didn't have lunch. but that'd ok. we went outside instead and we hung out with my bestest friend, the guy my friend likes and some other people and i found out a lot of people's middle names haha. after that we had CBC. But first, one of the girls from girls inc. wanted to say bye to us and we got cup cakes :) i loved that cup cake, everyone was jealous! in CBC we played a game. our team won so we got candy. then i asked a 'good question about high school' (about spares) and i got more candy :D.
So at the basket ball tournament we got my bestest friend and the guy that my friend likes to stay. and i gave my bestest friend my cup cake :( haha but he gave me a pease. Then at like half time i think they came in and sat beside me (i was score keeping with one of my best friends) and they were like do you have money? and my bestest friend was like "come one I'm your best friend!" and so i gave him a toonie and the guy my friend likes was like "yea and I'm your other friend" haha it was funny so i gave him one too! Then they got kicked out cause the coach is a fag! haha my bestest friend said it! haha
so on to why it was weird at first talking to Garrett. Well i wasn't in his name anymore and i was sad :( . and my friend asked me about it and i was like 'no I don't know why I'm not in his name:( ' and then she asked if we were still dating and i was like 'yea... i think so :S :( ' and she asked him and he said yea and i was so relieved! After he signed off this is how mine and her conversation went:
lauraxo.: i got scared when you asked if we were still dating. I was like: :'(i fucking hope so!!!!!!!!!
*her*: lmao
lauraxo.: no seriously i was about to cry. i would have if you said we weren't
*her*: you are
lauraxo.: i am what ?
*her*: dating him
lauraxo.: oh lol yea i was so releived!!
i like him soo much!! i would have like not stopped crying for a month!
*her*: awh
lauraxo.: i would have.
like you don't even know!

and it's so true. I'm already pretty sure i like him more than he likes me, but he obviously likes me a lot still ! So today was basically good :) I was so happy to talk to him :) i miss him and i can't wait till i can see him on friday!
-xo Laura♥

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you make me feel like no one else..

and I couldn't be happier. if you read my last blog, you know that I'm really upset right now.. well i was (if you haven't go read it!!). but this isn't about the same person. this blog is about someone i really care about! someone who I'm sure you all know as 'him'.
He's sweet, funny, smart, cute, a good listener, and is always here for me :). the best part of it all is that he likes me too.. Even better i can now call him my boyfriend.
It just happened. he just asked me out and i am the happiest person in the world!! To think this shy boy actually asked out this crazy chick!
I love you Garrett! And i always will! I can't wait to see you again!
you turned the worst day of my life, into the best! You are amazing!
i love you
-xo Laura♥

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you're just looking for a replacement and we don't have to stand for it!

As, if you have been reading my blogs, I'm sure you know, about a week ago my step brother moved out, and now i see why..
His father (not even going to call him my step dad, instead let's call him brian, the friend that no body likes) hasn't been the same. But he hasn't been fighting with anyone or anything, until yesterday. I got home from my friend's party, and he asked if i knew how to fold the friggen towels. i said no! I'm sorry if my HONESTY offended you somehow! That night he started to fight with my mom. i don't even know why, but it was probably something retarded like always! so i had my tv really loud so i could drown out their yelling. Than at like 2 am he woke up cause my tv was on too loud. but it was his fucking fault! so he starts yelling at my mom and wakes me up in the process. and he starts making shit up like i always say no to everything he asks me to do! and like he says this all the time, but like i don't even know where he gets this shit cause i never have.
He said that i had to leave this morning at fucking 4:30 am cause he was afraid that i was going to lie and say that he hit me or whatever but i was like yea I'm sure, I think you're just afraid that you might actually do it! and he's always saying that i always tell him to fuck off or whatever and again i don't know where he gets it cause i don't swear in front of my parents! so like wtf?!
so yea at 4:30 in the fucking morning i had to get up and go to tim hortons with my mom and brother and had to sit there for 9 fucking hours! I almost started crying like 70 times throughout the day.
When we finally got to leave we went to the store first. Then we got home and thank fucking god he wasn't here. we were here for like 2 hours. you know god must hate me cause he didn't get in a car accident and burn in fucking hell like he should. no he came home instead!
My brother is so lucky, he already left with his girlfriend by the time he was home.. ok no, not a fucking home, a shelter till we find something better.. like a sleazy. one-bedroom apartment with blood stains on the floor and bullet holes in the fucking walls! Ahh comforting! So anyway when he got home it was silent, i was on the computer talking to my friends and doing my homework. And my mom was doing the laundry.
Then all of a sudden he's like '_____ can't come in the mornings anymore!' and i was like WTF?! she has to, she has no where else to go!!! and i know that if she comes I'm gonna get like kicked out or some shit like that! It's so stupid cause he's not even here when she comes! So i don't know wtf his problem is!
he's trying to find some closure in this and he's looking for someone to replace his son! Well keep looking buttercup! Because it's not going to be me! You treat me worse than you treated your son. He didn't even ask you if he could have friends over. they just came and you welcomed them with open arms! and i can't have someone over when you're not even home for her to bug you and there's a reason she has to come over! like are you fucked in the head?!
I'm so fucking glad I'm moving soon and i will never have to see him again. because my mom is finally listening to me and my brother and she's leaving his needy, alcoholic ass! Is this a game? Do you think you will ever get anyone so out of your league like my mom is?!
Am I just a mistake to you?! Because to a few people out there I am so much more! I don't need you in my life and i never want you to be. If i never talk to you again I'll be happy! My life could be so much happier. and without you it will be! My life was almost good before i heard your name. I was never depressed before i heard your name. i never felt very unsafe before i heard your name. there is only one other person in the world that made me feel like you do. My real father. Luckily my mother dumped his alcoholic ass too. and i have a restraining order against him until I'm 18! And i swear to god if you come to my new house i will personally get one for you too!
I know that there are people out there who are here for me and who will let me cry on their shoulder and let me pour my heart out to them. my friends are the most important thing in the world. and you can tell that someone is a true friend to someone when they will even let you confide to them when you barley speak to them. This happened today. i barley ever talk to this girl, but she really let me open up to her and i let her open up to me. other people did too without getting mad at what i was saying. without interrupting me. without asking questions that they really know that they don't need to know about!
There is a whole flip side to this life. it can't be all that bad. There are relationships that last forever. just because i have never witnessed one, doesn't mean they don't exist! Without you i hope to experience everything of my teenage years i have been deprived of. Without you... i might just be happy..
-xo Laura♥

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emotions are a funny thing, but also really bad!

oh my god. today the funniest thing happened. we did like nothing! French we had a suply! so DUR nothing! haha. Music, well that's not that hard. Health we just did this thing that i was doing with my best friends so it was nothing! Then math we did work, but i was in the normal class so it was fun. haha my friend was like "hey laura what's 5?" and i looked back at him and he was like "you're not doing the same work as us huh? i just realized that as i said that!" haha it was funny. then we were supposed to go back... we just stayed. Then after lunch we had CBC again and the hottie was there rofl. Then we were supposed to go back to gifted, but i was like ok whatever we're supposed to play dodge ball in like 20 minutes, so I'll just stay. then when we started to play i was like the second one out rofl. Then this guy from the gifted class came in and said we had to go back to gifted and we were like WTF? but we were there for like 5 minutes then our teacher was like you can go back if you do it for homework and i was like ok I'm doing it for homework!! haha then our gym teacher was bring a bitch and took all the good people from our class and put them on her class's team and we were spazing like your class sucks! Suck it up!
So on to tonight. I was talking to the guy i like and it was just like normal then when he had to go it was like (direct msn chat log, name changed)

(7:07 PM) *him*:	i g2g ttyl
(7:07 PM) laura ♥xo.:	bey
(7:07 PM) laura ♥xo.:	bye*
(7:08 PM)*him*	xo
(7:08 PM) laura ♥xo.:	xo
(7:09 PM)him*	xoxo

ok so i just said xo cause like.. idk.. i just did. Then i was like ok what? :S Then later i talked to him about it and i was like 'do you like me?' and he was like 'kinda sorta' My heart was racing! I like him so much like no one knows. think about how much i must have liked my two month crush to like him that long, and everything i said.. now times that by 100.. and it's still not even close to how much i like this guy. I'm hanging out with him tomorrow so If I'm lucky he's gonna ask me out! And my friend is going to tell him to rofl.
Now on to the confusing part.. I felt bad for feeling so good. Because the guy my friend likes has a girlfriend.. I felt so bad because she likes him so much and i had to tell her that he has a girlfriend. But she's happy for me. so i guess it's ok. I like him soo much.. You can't even imagine!! Well i better go, i have to have a shower and do my homework.
-xo Laura♥

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&& I'll be everything that i wanna be and that won't change for anyone!!

ok sorry about not posting last night. i was swamped with homework! ok so I'll skip the not that important stuff and go right to the good stuff! so it was tuesday so we had girls inc. At lunch after the eating part everyone but one of my best friends who goes to girls inc. is on the yearbook committee, and there was a meeting at lunch recess, so i skipped it so she wouldn't be alone. But one of our other friends stayed too. So we are supposed to talk about our problems and stuff, so we talked about arden. But the girl who stayed back with us is friends with arden so we didn't say everything on our minds. and at the end me and my best friend told her that if she told anyone what we said we would hate her! and the people who run it were running it got mad at us for saying it and we were just like ok whatever.
Then we had CBC which is like high school prep. We were in two groups but since the other class is a split grade and it's only for grade 8s there were like 12 people. And so some of the people in our class went with them and at recess i said i was gonna spaz if i got separated from my friends. And guess what? I did! ok so i got put with the girl in yellow and the girl from girls inc. I was pissed! my best friends could see it on my face. they said it looked like i was either about to cry or was really pissed. and it was both, but mostly pissed! WE watched this really bad movie. But one of the people from the high school who was there used to be in my brother's band and he is soo hott! like i thought so when he was at my house like every wednesday! and that made it all better :). we have it again tomorrow!
ok so when we were went to girls inc at black river two of our friends were already there and we were happy... then arden and the girl in yellow came! me and my best friend didn't even do the science experiment cause they were helping. Then we went to the gym and me, my best friend and one of our other friends were playing 21 again, but it was much more fun last time rofl. cause our friend is really good at basketball, but she had a broken wrist so it kinda evened the field. but it's better now she she was smoking us and me and my best friend were like "k _______ you win!" haha but not like rudely we were laughing. Then me, my best friend and our friend who we wern't playing 21 with decided to sit in this like kinda room thing.. hard to explain. well anyway and we were talking about who i like and our friend's birthday party cause she invited us. Then arden and the girl in yellow like barged in and were like "we're allowed to be here!" and the girl in yellow gave me the dirtiest look so i shot one back! and then we just kept talking about it and so they left. And so i closed the door and arden came racing back and slamed it open. and i was like "holy spaz!" Then they left and the girl running it came in and was like yelling at us for not doing gym and i guess that they told her we were talking about them and we were like "ok no we were talking about her party!" and then she was talking about the 'tension' and 'drama' and how it bothered her that me and the girl in yellow were not friends and that she said that i just stopped talking to her and that she doesn't know what she did wrong. and i was like "ok not that it's ANY of your buisness, but she stopped talking to me so i don't know what she's on and she knows exactly whats wrong. and we're just not friends why is that so hard for you people?!" and then later we left. Another thing Arden said was like "stop trying to be something you're not!!!" like holy SHIT! not your buisness!!!
so today we didn't really do much. one of my best friends came over this morning, and she will every morning for the rest of the month. I talked to him a lot too. it's cool cause it's not really weird.. but this is on msn.. what about out for lunch on friday? and the party that night?
Tomorrow is going to be cool. me and my best friends are going to talk to our principal about having a talent show cause me and one of them want to do one girl revolution - superchick! I'm so excited. i hope we can!! I have it almost memorized haha.
oh at lunch recess we were talking about these grade sevens and we were talking about the two cutest ones (not telling anyone who so don't even ask). one i have known since i was in grade two (who one of my friends thinks is cuter of the two) and one i've been friends with since i was in grade 6 (who i think is cuter). but the one i think is cuter has a gf (N) lol but that's ok he's too short for me anyway! ok like seriously we were both a circus camp and we were looking in the mirror and i was like holy crap i didn't know you were that short. rofl. But yea we're good friends, so even if he was single and we liked eachother (and maybe he was taller rofl) I don't think we would want anything to happen. it would just be kinda.. weird.. he's just cute. that's all. i don't think i would ever actually like him. haha.
-xo Laura♥

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