it was my night of 100 wishes.. too bad without you, only 99 came true..

tuesday night was grad. it was amazing. everyone was nice to eachother. even to arden! well, everyone but me.. but i was mean in a nice way :P a lot of stuff happened, mostly happy, one person, thanks to the help of some of her friends, came to a suden realization about her (hopefully ex) crush. another person showed her real colours, that no one seemed to notice until ottawa, but it became really clear at the grad dance. i on the other hand had an amazing time, just missing one thing. one person. but i think that i'll get to my crush later on. right now i need to talk about the girl who showed her true colours.
we all thought that this girl was true blue, calm, understanding, rational, kind. but since she has ditched her ex best friends, she has been much more of a orange, signifying over confidence. she seems to think that just because she's hanging out with different people ALL THE TIME, that she's so popular and so irisistable. when the truth is, she's the same girl, just a lot snottier. she seemed to think that just because someone talked to her that he was flirting. it's liike she suddenly thinks that everyone should be in love with her, and that she can get who ever she wants. but i'm sorry, it's not true. i don't mean to offend you if you happen to read this, but you are the same person as you were last month, just a lot more like arden.

so this year i have a summer to-do list that i will keep updated on my blogs until the first day of school in september.

• Get & stay fit: when i first became a vegi i lost weight, but i'm starting to think that i have put it back on, and it's not like just to be skinny, i want to be fit, because in high school i want to do some sports. i have tried this before, but i always like workout one week, then eat a whole bunch of junk food and it's all wasted time.
• Read more: i really do like to read, but i need to find some more intrestiing books, and make some time to read more.
• Make a summer reading list: pretty self explanitory.
• Get more active: it kind of goes hand and hand with getting and staying fit, but like last summer i spent most of my time sitting on my ass. and it was really no fun at all.
• Make a mends with people i have had fall-outs with: chances are, i am not going to see a lot of the people i graduated with again, as much as i say i would like to. there's no point in keeping things kept inside about this stuff, so i'm going to just let them know.
• Make the last childhood summer last: i just graduated, so this has to be my best summer! plus once the school year starts, it's going to be hard to hang out with a lot of my friends. so i have to make the time we have count!
• Convice my mother that we're not a real family: as i'm sure you know, i don't like my family at all! and my mother is trying to enforce this rule so that once a week we have a family dinner, like all of us.. at the same time.. in the same room.. we're not that kind of people, and we ususally just make dinner for ourselves, and eat where ever, whenever. sometimes we don't even have dinner. and we're all happy with going days without seeing eachother.
• Go to a concert: this one is probably a long shot, but i really want to go to a concert, and like i was supposed to last summer, but i couldn't, so i want to this summer :D
• Get a job: ok so i was already offered a job, that i really didn't want, so i turned them down, but i do want a job this summer, just so like i can go to the mall and stuff whenever i want. now that one of my friends lives in newmarket, and i already had some friends there, plus my crush.. i'm going to hopefully spend a lot of time there.
• Don't give into any temptation: this one is pretty general. i have to stay strong, no cheating on working out unless i have a good enough excause for myself, no opting out of my reading list, no holding back on what i want to tell people, no holding back on the fun i want to have this summer, no giving into my mother (like that one could happen, i'm the most minipulative daughter ever), no avoiding jobs for no reason, and no summer flings (ahaha sorry, had to add that one)

So now that you know how i am planning on doing this summer, on to what has already happened. so grad was amazing, but his absence made it only good. if it wasn't for his douch bag brother he could have come. i called and he said he wasn't home, and if his brother had actually let me talk to him, the girl who did my hair, make up and dress alterations would have picked him up! i hate his brother, he's a fag! but it's ok, because he is so sweet, he made up for his brother :P. he is always saying things that just make my heart race, and i can never stay mad at him. i was mad at him because we were supposed to hang out at the mall yesterday, but his family instead made him go to carolina, i know stupid reason to be mad, but i was upset at the time. well when i went on msn i saw his personal message 'the absence of you made a great night only good♥' i melted, and i couldn't stay mad at him.
on facebook we have this thing, where we make graffiti for eachother, and it's always pretty corny, but cutee. well he made this 'lame ass appology' and it was yhe sweetest thing anyone has ever written for me. ok this is what it said 'sorry, i really really want to see you. it just sucks that something always comes up! I really do want to be with you... i'm thinking about you more and more... and do you know what happens every time i think of you!... I want up to be together.. I'm just not ready yet... I have a lot to give<3>' it's so sweet. and the best part about it is that there's no pressure on me to ask him out. so ha guys! ha!
But seriously, i can wait, because the truth is, he's worth it, plus i'm not really sure i'm as ready as i could be either..
Laura.xx !

no lying. *also read + coment last blog

Lasts:

1. last beverage: Water.
2. last phone call: my mother.
3. last text message: emily.
4. last cd played: Metro station.
5. last BUBBLE bath: long time ago.
6. Last hug: um.. i actually don't remember. i think amber.

HAVE YOU EVER:

1. dated someone twice: yes.
2. been cheated on :hope not.
3. kissed someone & regrett it: yes.
4. fallen in love: no.
5. lost someone special: yes.
6. been depressed: yes.
7. been drunk and threw up: no.

LIST

5 PEOPLES YOU CAN TELL ANYTHING TO:
1. stephanie.
2. emily.
3. gavin.
4. the guy i like. (i know, suprizing)
5. annie.
*there are more, i can just only name 5.. so don't feel bad.

LIST FAVORITE COLORS:
1.red.
2.yellow.
3.purple.

Have you
1. Laughed: duh.
2. Met someone who changed your life? yes.
3. Found out who your true friends are? yes.

random
1. Bush: don't care.
2. Gay Marriages? cool for them.
3. Lowering the drinking age? not like it matters. people drink under age anyway.
4. Gay, Straight, or Bi? im straight, and i'm cool with people who aren't.
5. Who is the best hugger that you know? i know a few good huggers.
6. Do you believe in Love at first sight? not love. atraction; sure. crush; why not, but love takes time.
7. Is there something you want to tell someone? yes!
8. Brand of shirt you are wearing? um.. majora.. ? rofl. got it at fairweather.
9. How many people on your top friends do you know in real life? FACEBOOK: all but two. MYSPACE: all but one.
10. How many kids do you want to have? NONE!! i hatee kids.!
11. Do you have any pets? none that live with me, but i havee two at my dad's.
12. Do you wanna change your name? Maybe my middle name. but other than that i'm good with it.
13. What did you do for your last BIRTHDAY? went to the school play. not sure if i'm having a party. maybe in the summer.
14. What time did you wake up today? gah. nine am.
15. What were you doing at midnight last night? talking to people. listening to music.
16. Last time you saw your mother? last night.
17.What are you listening to right now? throwdown. (tv)
18. Have you ever donated money to a good cause? yea.
19. Have you ever talked about someone behind their back? honestly who hasn't
20. What's the last piece of clothing you borrowed from anyone? shorts from stephanie.
21. Who's getting on your nerves right now? no one really.
22. Most visited webpage? facebook.
23. Coke or Pepsi?: coke.
24. Have you kissed or been kissed by anyone in the past month? no.

If you answered honestly to all these, repost as "No Lying Quiz"

come and take it boy, cause you know i won't just give it to you..

so we went to ottawa and it was really fun. there were some tears, lots of laughs, a couple bruised hearts, late night partys, late night phone calls, secrets, lies and a strip club ?
ok so a couple people cried, but i think only two people did, which is a good low number. the late night phone calls i think were only me though, because i called him both nights. it was really funny, but we never once talked about what we needed to talk about. but all in all ottawa was really fun. we even got along with arden! but that won't last. tomorrw when i go to school everything will be the samee.
so enough about ottawa, because something more important happened. when we got home i went to the soccer feilds to hang out with him, and some of my other friends, well he didn't even come, but cause he wasn't allowed. so wel called him and i talked to him almost the whole time. and this time we did end up talking about it. as it turned out, after stephanie told him that i like him, he started thinking about it, and he started liking me. i was so happy when he said that. he said the he could see it happening, then it did.
i guess that letting him find out wasn't a bad thing after all. i mean if i just kept it to myself, he would have never started liking me back. the only thing i have to wonder now is what next ? i mean i like him. he likes me. so shouldn't the next thing be to date ? but i know that i'm not goingt to ask him. i don't care if you think i should. i really don't. a lot of you are always saying, just ask him. it's not hard. well not for you maybe. but it's just not the person that i am. a have said it many times, but most of you don't seem to get it. it pisses me off so much. you may not realize it, and you may not understand, but it does.. more than anything. most things i don't get mad about, but that is one of the few things i really hate.
k well any way, i don't know what to do now. it's out in the open that we like eachother, so is anything going to happen with it ? like until next year it would probably be hard to see eachother.. well not really. but a bit, like more than if we lived in the same town. but it doesn't matter to me.. would it matter to him ?
-xo Laura♥

can you hear my heart beat racing? can you see the tears in my eyes?

i'm totally skipping all the shit people fit in blogs to fill up space and just cut to the case. i talk to him a lot, and all the time he had no idea.. i like him so much. i don't know what it is about him that i can't get out of my head. ok so me and steph made this greatt idea that she would tell the person she likes that she likes him, and i would tell the person i like the same. well we were really hyper, and we were on webcam with him. well she pointed to me, made a heart, and pointed to the cam, signifying that i like him. well i got pissed, but she said that since she told him, that she would tell the person she likes. well as it went, he didn't even see, so she didn't even have to ask tell the person she liked, but he was sset to away. so she told the person i like that i like him, and he asked if i was serious. she asked him if it was a bad thing and he said he guessed that it wasn't. so she told him that i do like him. he said it was awkward. because he doesn't like me.. he said that he had too much stuff on his mind, but it didn't stop me from crying. he said that he didn't know what to say because he didn't want to screw anything else up, but the truth is that he couldn't say anything to make me feel worse. i don't know why. but he couldn't really hurt me anymore than that last night.
he felt really bad about it, because he hated saying that he didn't like me back, but i still like him so much. he's just so amazing. i mean if anyone else i liked ever just told me that they didn't like me like openly, then i would be so over them. but he told me, and i can't get over him. i like him way too much. and i've been told that we are the perfect match. well i hope so, because all the time i have spent dwelling on this better be worth it.
today we were talking to him on msn, and i was talking to him, because stephanie was upstairs changing, and right when she got back he asked how liking him was going. but stephanie already had my laptop and she said that she didn't want to talk about it because it was her, not me. we basically avoided the subject, probably because we both knew that she didn't want to get in the middle of it. well we got him to call us, and for most of the time it was both of us talking to him, but for the last like ten or fifteen minutes it was just me and him. it was hard, because i like him.. so much. and it was hard to not think about it. and not talk about it. i knew that we both wanted to, but we really couldn't.
when i went on msn after we finished talking on the phone (where he got me to sing to him.. still not really sure how) i got an offline message from him. saying that we really needed to talk about what happened, and that he felt really bad. i still really don't think that he should feel bad, it's not his fault that he doesn't like him. but we really do need to talk. i'm hoping that it will happen tomorrow (well now today i guess cause it's now 2 o'clock in the morning.) because the grad trip is tomorrow. i am getting msn on my phone, but i'm not sure how easy it's going to be.
i know that i should hate myself for thinking this, because i'm just setting myself up to get hurt, but by the way he was talking to me, it really seemed like he was starting to like me. please don't let me beleive it, even if you might think it, if you love me you will tell me not to think that way or something, because i have already cried twice for him (once when he found out that i like him, and once when i got off the phone with him) i don't want to again for the third day in a row. but i know that i probably will today anyway, because i am going to get hurt when we are talking about it, unless he actually does.. but i can't think that. i have to restrain myself. i know that you can't force beleifs onto yourself, but when you don't want to beleive something, it's so hard not to. i need to talk to this boy.. i need to know what is on his mind. i need to know what was so important to him that he was the one to say that we need to talk, and not just agree. i need to know how he feels..
-xo Laura♥

how can i compete with my best friend.. especially over someone neither of us even like?

ok, so today was boring, i'm going to skip it all. haha. but because this is going to be a short blog, and only about one this.. the big night.. GRAD!
woah, is it ever sneaking up on us?! i mean this year has been weird you know.. i mean it's like it was yesterday that we were all standing outside the art room window on the first day, reading who was in who's class, and finding out who all the new kids were. but with everything and everyone that has changed, it's like it was so long ago that everyone was friends, and it was so long ago that everyone was themselves.. well sure we are all still ourselves, but.. diferent people you know? everything this year has influenced us so much. i mean one of the strongest friendships died this year. i mean yea me and that person are friends again now, but we will never be as close as we were before. this year has been such an experience. crushes, fights, tears, laughs, rumors, eating disorders, blood, drama, sex, and pain really gave us a look into the future of what the real world is like. and the only thing that got most of us through it was music and the love and support of our friends.
i could think of a few regrets from this year, but the honest truth is that without thoes 'what the hell did i just do' moments, we wouldn't be where we all are now. sure i miss thoes days that there was no drama other than that kid just stole my crayon, but without all the drama and everything else that comes along with being thirteen or fourteen, we would never be able to deal with the real world. if we grew up our whole lives without telling a single lie, or hearing a single rumor about yourself or one of your friends, you will never be ready for what lies ahead in the cut throat reality of the real world. so i guess i am glad that i had to deal with all the shit people do to eachother. because that's what it's really like.
so for grad there is a different drama. the weirdest kind. because it's over people that don't mean anything more than just as a friend. a date to grad is the weirdest kind, because it's for one night and one night only. you don't have to like them, and they don't have to call you the next day. i was thinking about asking someone who doesn't go to my school. and who i will see in the fall. but once i found out he's not even allowed to come to the dance, i realized that that defeats the purpous. so i decided that i was going to ask my friend. but one of my best friends was already going to ask him, but she didn't know. well it turned out she decided that she's going to ask someone else, so i asked the guy i was going to. but he wants to go solo. he said he's not rejecting me, he just doesn't want a date. but it's not like i like him or anything, so i'm fine. but it wasn't as hard as i thought it was going to be. i guess it was because it was a no pressure date. i guess this was kind of a break through for me. i have never asked someone out, well this isn't really asking someone out, but same principal.
woah another thing this year has done. it's weird really. but i guess it's just another stepping stone that we will never forget that makes us who we are. i might not ask someone else, but idk, if i think of someone else i might ask, i'll definatly go for it! but if i don't go it's not a big deal, like he said 'going by your self is the best, well for gr 8 grad, high school grad is different.' I'm glad that he asked if there were any hard feelings, because now he doesn't think i like him. which is good! but i'll totally keep you all posted on if i ask anyone else.
-xo Laura♥
oh p.s. when i mentioned sex, i didn't mean anyone had it, but just like all we have said about it, and the rumors about it.

boy how can you be so blind? why can't you see that i am falling for you? when are you going to catch me?

ok so today was pretty weird. last night i was so stressed out, and mad, and confused and just not in the mood to talk to anyone. well the person i said was one of my best friends.. i hate him. so much. he started talking to me and asking when we're goning to hang out, and i said idk. but he wouldn't leave it at that. he kept bugging me no matter how many times i told him to leave me alone cause i couldn't talk. i was editing pictures for the grad slide show. and he said i could talk to him about why i was stressed, but i didn't want to and i finially snapped on him. i was like 'ok i have to finish this. i'm really not in the mood to talk right now. i have to finish this, and right now i really don't want to hang out with you. and i don't need your help! i can deal with this myself. i don't need help. sure sometimes it's great, but sometimes you have to learn when to just back off. i'm a big girl now, i can take care of myself. just forget i even said anything, forget we were ever going to hang out, and forget i ever trusted you with that secret.' he wasn't happy, but i was fucking pissd. and i still am.
so this morning i was having a really shitty day. i was in a really bad mood, and i was getting short tempered with everyone, and i'm not pms-ing if that's what you're thinking. so gym, we didn't really do anything, we played soccer which is one of the sports that i really hate. so me, steph and some other people were just standing there talking. in music we finished our poster and just goofed off the rest of the period. in french we went to the library, but me, steph and some people were just drawing. recess was pretty boring. nothing really happened. math was gay as usual. but lunch made my day.
we were hanging out with our friend and she was lying on the ground, and she was rolling around.. it turned out she rolled in dog shit! it really made my day! we were laughing about it for so long. and it even made her day. omg i love her, she's amazing. in literacy i had to work on history, but i have no cchoice. i'm riding on just over a 50%. and if i don't get at least a 60% my mom will kill me. but w.e she's a bitch.
ok so last night i was talking to the guy i like now, (i'm almost completly over my old crush, i have a feeling my heart won't let me let go completly after grad) and i told him that he should come to my grad, cause his is two days later, and he said he would if he's allowed and if someone else comes.. but that person is like my best friend. so it's ok. and i'm still not sure if he's allowed to come.. but he should be! but i'm going to ask him, so it won't be so weird for him to come, if he would want to go with me as friends. :D hahaha well i hope he will say yes, and maybe he can start to really get to know me, like really well.
well to explain the title.. well i'm sure you can figure it out, but i'll fill in the details. i really like him, and i don't want to tell him, and i don't want anyone to, i want him to figure it out. idk, like if i knew him better, or we were going to the same school already, i would have no problem telling him or getting someone to tell him, but since he does live so far away, and i don't know him that well, i guess it woulf be weird if he knew for sure, you know ? well maybe it only makes sense to me. but i just hope he feels the same way.
-xo Laura♥

i know we only met a month ago, but the feelings could be there.

ok, it's been a while, but i've had a lot to figure out that i would have prefurred to keep to myself and a few people, nothing personal. but i've decided to wait until grad to completly move on from my crush. but if nothing happens, i know who i am going to move onto.
it's a boy i met at high school. well i met through one of my frieinds. But we met in person at the grade nine day. i honestly didn't expect him to be to tall.. or hot.! haha. i guess i decided that i might be able to like him this morning. me and steph were on our way to school and i told her thought he was hot, and we started talking about it. and i decided that i would talk to him more, and start to like him. well today i talked to him for a long time, and i am slowly starting to like him. he's so funny, and we are so much alike.
we like the same music, we have the same style, we both suck at french, we're taking the exact same courses next year. it's kinda weird. we were even flirting for a bit. haha and he even said it. i called him hot, and he called me hot then he said something like 'well that was a flirtatious interaction' lmfao. he's so funny.
we're both also vegiterians and support animal rights. we were talking about the horrible things people do to animals, and how we're both signing the potition for the kuntky (SP?) fried cruelty campigne. we talked about everything. grad, the ottawa trip (he already went, and i'm going next week), music, when we met, everything. and i made him feel special cause i called him tall.. well i called him a beast, then said he was like REALLY tall :P . so i just hope i feel the same in the fall, or the feelings rekindle while we go to school together.
-xo Laura♥

you are so sweet. you are one of the best friends i have.

today i'm not going to talk about what's going on with me and my crush, or all the complications with me and my mom. i'm not going to tell you about what happened at school today, and i'm not going to talk about what i did with my friends. no. today i am going to talk about the best friend i could ever ask for.
he is always there for me. he can talk me through anything and calm me down. he can make me smile through all the tears i shead for anyone, thing or memory. he is amazing, and i never want anything to happen to him.
he can make me cry by being the nicest person in the world. i love him to death. he is such an important person in the world to me. i know that i can tell him anything and he would never judge me. he can help me through any problem with my friends, crushes and even my family. he helps me try to make things better with my mom. he is so honest, even if it would hurt me, he knows that it would help me in the end. he has helped me realize i'm not totally insane, made me feel so good, helped me solve many of my fights, and would never let me give up.
i could never stay mad at him for more than an hour, and even then i feel bad after. he is really great and i feel blessed to know him. i never want to loose touch with him, and i will always be there for him. i am so happy that i have such an amazing friend who doesn't loose his temper with me, like everyone else has.
i wish i could see him more, but i know that i can always talk to him. he has made me a much happier person, and he has stopped me from making stupid desitions, without even knowing it. i couldn't ask for a better friend. he is perfect. he's so nice, funny, sencitive, and he would never tell anyone what i tell him. he couldn't be better.
-xo Laura♥