when i needed a friend, i had no one, why does he come back now?

for most people, school has already started, which makes it boring through the days. which goes without saying, i have a lot of time to think. even to write. and a song at that, which i never do. it's probably not that good, so i probably won't put it up unless one of my friends like beggs lmao. i kind of wish my school has started already, i'm sick of waiting! it's killing me! plus i need someone else to like, it's weird. i know it's stupid that i hate not liking anyone, but that's just who i am :P


so with the fast aproach of my future all my memories start flooding in. This summer was meerly a steping stone to the rest of my life and as it turns to fall, the stepping stone begins to wobble, i have to be brave and leap. okay, enough cheesy medephores. but seriously, i really don't want to let go of my past. it seems that going to a high school with two people from my old school is a lot different than going to a high school with everyone you went to school with. i guess living in a small town pretty much my whole life, that's what i've started to expect. but that dream is out of reach i guess you could say..


when i think of leaving the past just that, in the past. i think of things that will never be the same, mostly friendships, great ones, weird ones, funny ones, i even kind of miss the friendship i had with arden. but one came to mind suspiciously when i started thinking about my childhood. one i left behind ages ago, one that was better than any other no matter how lame people might think it is. but when you're someone like me, sometimes it's the best you've got, and sometimes that's just what you need. his name was victor. he had spikey black hair, pale skin, red eyes and fangs. he was my imaginary friend vampire. he lived in my basement. he was so cool! he could fly, hang upside down, and always make me smile. i vividly remember the day i stopped believing. i had been best friends with this girl, aron, for about two months, and we were really bad. we were always together, and think of when you were really little, remember thoes boys who would pull your pigtails in kindergarden who spent their recesses chazing girls and coming up with new ways to torment the teachers? well that was us, only we went to different schools. but we were the terrors of our neighbourhood. i thought it was stupid to believe in something so incrediable unrealistic. whenever i was trying to sleep, and i heard a twig on my window or something that i used to think was victor, i would just roll over and banish the thought. kind of funny huh? i wanted to be a vampire before it was cool. haha. but i miss my childhood, and this big leap i'm going to be taking on thurday (regestration) into a world so different from what i used to want to break out of. is it normal to be this depressed realizing a dream?



Songs of the day;


paper bag princess - hello kelly


old school - hedly


check yes juliet - we the kings


photos of the day;

Quote of the day;

Cause if you jump I will jump too We will fall together From the building's ledge Never looking back at what we've done We'll say it was love Cause I would die for you On skyway avenue So what's left to prove We have made it through

- we the kings

laura.xx !

she's just a loaner with a sexy aditude :)

so i'm single, but i'll talk about that leter, it has to do with the title.

sorry it's been so long, i've been a little busy. i finished new moon, and i'm starting eclips asap :) i just need to get it lol. i also completly redid my whore myspace (if you don't have it you don't know what it really means, if you do have myspace add it myspace.com/thisisthescene_xx) i redid my about me, and there's one part i want to share with you guys. ' i guess nothing i've said has made me unique, i've heard i am, but the truth is i couldn't tell you what about me is unique. i'm just a typical teenage girl. i'm going to dye my hair five different colours, get peircings my parents won't aprove of, and get a tatoo they will eventually find out about. ' go ahead, quote me if you want :P

soo school in a week and two days huh? i'm really not excited. i was, and i wasn't nervous at all, but i kind of am now. like i don't know who i'm going to be sharing my locker with (which wouldn't be a problem if someone didn't ditch me *hint hint*) and in high school cliques are aparently really important, and i don't really fit in with any of my friends that are going to my high school. so i'm going to have to find a whole new group of friends chances are. it's scarry, starting all over. i'm not worried about the work. i'm sure that's not going to be that much of a problem, it's just that i have to share a locker with someone i don't know. someone i might end up hating. i've been looking forward to high school my whole life.. until i started to miss grade eight. started to miss the people i'll never see again. oh well it's too late to go back now :( what a shame.

okay, so to my title. it's actually pretty indepth. it has soo many different reasons why it's perfect for me right now. number one; it's part of one of my favourite songs (which too is so indepth why it's perfect for me) five colours in her hair - mcfly. number two; it describes my relationship status. like i said, i broke up with david, but the funny thing is, i stopped liking the other guy too. it's weird. but i'm totally over both. for once i don't like anyone and i like it. i'm totally alone, and i love it! number three; high school. i have this weird feeling that i'm going to be a loaner, for at least a little while until i make new friends, (btw i love my two friends from grade eight who are going to high school with me to death, i just don't fit in with you guys really) but being a loaner isn't going to change me. i'm still going to be the same lauraa you have grown to love :)

songs of the day;

five colours in her hair - mcfly.

transylvania - mcfly.

monster techno remix - meg & dia.

pictures of the day;

quote of the day;

I think we dream so we aren't apart as long. As long as we're in each others dream's, we can play together.
- Calvin and Hobbes

if something is perfect.. shouldn't it stay that way?

sorry it's been so long. i've had a lot on my mind and when i went to new brunswick i couldn't post because my dad's computer is so slow! i also had a lot of stuff going on like i found out my friend died in october (i don't want condolence, it's just an explination) and just a lot of stuff.
so anyway, in new brunwick i stayed around the house a lot and read. i read kissing kate which is really good. and i finially read twilight. it only took three days :). i love that book! we also watched a bunch of movies. like at least one every night. i'm not sure if i can remember them all, but i'll try. batman begins, die hard, live free or die hard, national treasure, national treasure 2, shoot 'em up, over the hedge, dooms day (which i hated!!) and 21 (which i loved) so over all it was pretty fun. i even got along with my brothers. i only got mad once, when they were making fun of people who cut themselves, which you must know i feel strongly about.
so i got home on friday nigh/saturday morning. and i went to the fair saturday. i went with emily and her friend who i don't like! then i left them to hang out with steph. and we hung out with different people. it was really fun! it had a ride that was just a big loop that you go around and around and we went on it so many times! usually in the front :) they also had a haunted house. it was fun during the day, but at night there was this guy with a creepy mask and a chain saw and me and stephanie screamed soo much she lost her voice and i almost did. i slept over at her house and it was so fun! then i went home and things took a bad turn.
it started yesterday. as you know i have a boyfriend who i love.. but i stated to like someone else.. i know i'm such a whore, and i feel horrible!! i just don't know if i should tell david.. and if i do how. and well i have to.. but idk.. it's so hard! i have to talk to stephanie before i do anything, but i don't know her new number!! this is so hard!! what should i do? ahh, i need help :( all this stress is making me sick!
laura.x !

something as fun and great as you, can only get me into trouble..

sorry i haven't posted in a while, it's been pretty chaotic around here lately. as i pridicted, my brothers have managed to piss me off at least once everyday they were here. yesterday it was my brother, danny's, brithday. he's the only brother that i actually like. he's nice. i wonder were he gets it?! anyway, so i was actually having a good time with my family for once! haha, anyway, my brother jesse, who is one of the ones who lives with me, started being a total dick to me. out of no where! he started making for me being a vegi, which he never does, and he was trying to make me look like an idoit and trying to embarass me! it's weird because he only does this in the summer. when he's around all of my brothers. it's like he tries to impress them! it's so gay! like they're his brothers! who really gives a shit if they think you're cool! just by belittling someone else! i hate him more than ryan (the brother that i fight with more than becca and paul did) because ryan is actually like that, it's just who he is. Jesse changes himself to be like that! ugh! it's so annoying! i can't wait until he moves out! i'm not even going to miss him!!

ok so moving on, my title. today my mother got my cell bill! yikes! my phone was $200! i got in soo much trouble because i started arguing with her about it because she said that once i get a job i have to pay for my own phone bill which is totally unfair because jesse had a job and he didn't have to pay! she said that we both get free phones for the same amount of time! but that's not fair! the time that i had a free phone i was unemployed and had no money. jesse had a job and had lots of money! it' s so no fair! ugh! tell me, do you agree?

so on saturday i finially got up the courage to say it, i finially told david that i love him. i came up with the cheesiest way to say it too :P so like i said before, i have become obsessed with post-it note art and hardcore emo drawings. well my banner is on my wall and when i was making it i ran out of post-it notes, later that night/morning i decided that i really would feel weird having that on my wall unless he loved me back. so i told him i had something to tell/show him. and i turned my webcam on and said : 'k it says love, but i can't finish it until i know how you feel.. As much as I hate to be the first one to say it, and mean it, especially if you don’t feel the same way, I have to be honest with you, I have to tell you that I love you David.' then i told him not to say it if he didn't mean it. but he did, and i couldn't stop smiling!

now for something a little random. i am so sick of just sitting around. i want summer to be more exciting i want to travel! so here are the top three places i want to go:

london

paris

tokio

i would really love to go to a big city like thoes. i'd also love to go to new york! big cities really excite me! maybe it's the rush of the trafic, or the crowded streets, or the great stores, or the redicusly tall buildings. who knows, maybe it's the danger of living somewhere so crime filled, maybe it's the luxury of living somewhere someone's actually heard of. haha. well what ever it is, it's amazing! but the closest i've ever been to a big glamourous city is ottawa. but maybe one day, right?

Laura.xx !

you hide behind one of my best friends because you trust them more than me?!

so apparently i'm not trust worthy! i just found out that one of my friends doesn't trust me. and i'm not even trust worthy enough to know who doesn't trust me. ok i was talking to one of my best friends, and something happened that i'm not going to get into, but then there was a secret he wanted to tell me that one of my other best friends couldn't know, but the person who told him said that i couldn't know. and i was fine with that because to be honest i couldn't care less what the secret was. then he said that she said that i couldn't know because i would tell the person who can't know. wtf?! unless it was something that she needed to know i wouldn't tell! i kept a suprize party from one of my ex best friends! why would this be any different?! so i just wanted to know who it was, because don't you think that i deserve to know who doesn't trust me?! well i guess not, because i wasn't even allowed to be told who it was! like coward much!? so i guess i just can't trust anyone, because how am i supposed to trust someone who can't trust me?! ugh, this really bothers me. i never knew people thought i just told everyone everything!! UGH!! fuck. i hate this.

anyway, now that that's out of the way, i want to talk about something else. i'm sure you have noticed the changes in my blog. the new pictures i mean. i hope you like them :) i took them all myself. both of the ones made out of post-it notes are made by me and are actually on my bedroom walls. and the cons are actually mine. i actually drew it. :D i'm proud of myself. i will probably have some more soon. i have taken up drawing. well more like doodling. i have a sketch book that is like my life. it has plans, drawings, quotes, reminders, and deep thoughts.

for the past three days i have been totally obsessed with post-it note are and hardcore emo drawings. i forgot how boring summer really is. i have been staying home... like a lot. with all of my friends either busy with something else, living too far away, on vacation, at camp or in a fight with me, i have no one to hang out with. well next week david is finished his CIT training, so we're gonna do something.. i think we're going to the movies.. not sure though.. well it doesn't really matter what we do, as long as we're together <3

as my boredom of summer continues, as i have been writing this blog all day, my brothers are all now here. i live with two, and my other two are here for two weeks. they arived about an hour ago. i like one of them. but not the other. me and him fight worse than paul and becca (if you were a loyal reader back then). the first thing he said to me was "you're sopiled!" what a loving brother huh? this is going to be an intresting three weeks. (because i'm going to my dad's for a week and a half). as you must know, i'm secene and vegi. my brother is anti emo/scene kids, and he's just generally a dick. i'm still contemplating telling him i have a boyfriend. he'll probably find out anyway, just if i say it, it'll just make me look like a bitch.. which i have no problem with.

so as for my plans for the summer:

my party : july 26 - 27

new brunswick : july 27 - august 8

fair : august 9

ater that i got nothing. i hope your summer's more exciting than mine. share your plans ?

Laura.xx !

because i've missed you, ever since i had to turn around and say "good bye"

so on sunday i went to the mall with emily, david, and one of emily's friends. it was kind of awkward at first because, to be honnest, it was the first time that we have seen eachother since we started dating. it was a little frustrating because it took him an hour and a half for him to hold my hand. but once we did he did, it was as though it was magical. Even though it was just a simple gesture, it was still adorable how it happened.
we were sitting on this couch by toys r us. i had my left hand on my knee, and he had his right hand in the small space between our leggs. he reached his pinkey out to grab mine, we looked at eachother, then back to our hands, then back to eachother. we both knew we wanted it, so he grabbed my hand. i smiled, but i could feel myself blushing, i had to look away. when i could feel the redness in my cheeks going away, i looked back, only to see him gazing at me. i felt the blood imediatly rush back, but this time i didn't care. our eyes met and neither of us broke the stare until we had to.
it wasn't long before we were finially left alone. it was nice to get to be with just him. we looked deep into eachothers eyes, we slowly got closer and closer. our noses touched, and our cheeks brushed. he parted his lips, and i thought that he was going to kiss me. instead he gently blew on my lips. i didn't know what to do. i wanted to kiss him! i wanted him to kiss me. we moved closer yet, our lips almost met, until i heard her voice "laura! it's four, we have to go." i hate thoes words. we pulled away and looked at eachother, both knowing that we didn't want it to end. we stood and started walking down the hall hand in hand. he broke the silience when he quietly said in the sweetest tone "laura, you're amazing." i looked back up at him and sumply said "you're more amazing."
when we got outside we had caught up to the others, but we fell behind again. i went to give him a hug, when i pulled away i looked into his eyes, he leaned in closer, and i stood on my tippy toes.. *btw if you want to skip the 'messy' details, skip the rest of this paragraph* as my lips melted into his soft, full lips i felt on top of the world. it was the most amazing kiss i had ever had. he slightly parted his lips to let my bottom one slide in, and when we closed his mouth it was gently pushed back out. he did the same with my top lip, and i just melted in his arms. if he wasn't there supporting me, i would have fallen over. when we finished i didn't want to let go, but i knew that i had to. it was so hard to walk away, i thought i was going to cry. but i didn't.
yesterday me, steph, david and all of our friend went to the mall. just like last time, it took a long time for him to do anything other than staring at eachother. this time just about everything that we did was because of stephanie. we ran into a store and as we were looking at the clothes, i told her that i hoped that it wasn't like last time. i wanted to hold his hand, but we both knew that i wasn't going to make the fist move. she asked if she could make us, and i said i didn't care. so when we left the store, david and i were standing next to eachother, and she said "HOLD HANDS!" i just laughed, looked at him and he grabbed my hand. it was really sweet.
once our friend left, we were sitting on this bench and we were looking deeply into eachothers eyes, and we slowly got closer and closer but stephanie just ruined the moment by saying "if you're gonna kiss just do it!" i looked at her, then back at him and laughed. he just shrugged and leaned in closer to my lips. *once again, might want to skip* it started the same as last time, our lips gently touched, he 'sucked' (if you will) on my bottom lip, then the top, then he oppened his mouth, and i was afraid that he was going to try to make out with me. but he just kissed me again. this one lasted a lot longer.
unfortunately we really pissed stephanie off a few times. we went back to the couches where we almost had our first kiss, and we kissed again, a lot. and some little kids were staring at us the whole time. but we didn't care. it was special, nothing could have ruined it. we were supposed to leave at 8:20, but we 'missed the bus' and stayed until 10. but the mall closed at nine, so we hung out outside of the mall for an hour. it was so much fun. i just wish i didn't have to say good bye..
Laura.xx !
p.s. if you were wondering why i was afraid that he was going to try to make out with me, it's because i've never done it before. i mean he knows that, i just like him so much that i don't want fuck it up!
p.p.s. i know the way that i worded how he kissed me is weird, but i didn't know how else to describe it!! :P

as the clock struck midnight, my heart skipped a beat..

ahh! happiest day of my life so far. i think it could be love. i mean it is more than just a crush. because he's already the boy, i can call my boyfriend♥
i guess it's time for me to fill in some missing details. his name is david. he is the sweetest living person. and i'm falling in love with him! call me a hipocrit because i said that love is stupid, and that it was impossible at our age, i don't care, it's true.
i guess it all became clear to me on the weekend that love has no age. love is something that is just there. it just happens. you can't control it. you could find true love at 5 or 50. sometimes it's someone you never expected yourself to be with, but sometimes it's with someone you could totally picture yourself with.
maybe i should stop going on about stuff i don't even know anything about huh ? and just move onto how it happened. so as you may know, he's in carolina, and he can't go on msn. but i love facebook chat, because he can go on that!
Laura: you make it so hard to wait! you make my hear race with everything you say and you make me melt with every word you type <3
David: thats the only problem, were only typing things, by know i know i like you so much, and i could end up loving you i rly wanted to do this in person but i'm ready now, youre irresistable and i just cant wait!<3 laura.. will you be my girlfriend? <3
Laura: omg! yes <3
i am so happy, there is no way i am going to get to sleep, but i have to try :P
Laura.xx !